lol

your hanging in there perfectly. keep up the good work! =)

OH I'M SAVED

ahahaha akhirnya internet di rumah gw nyala. hahahah. lalala. sumpah klo internet gw masi mati jg malem ini gw bisa gila. hahaha. lo bayangin gw br putus dan dipaksa bengong. g ada tontonan g ada internet. hhahahaahhahaha. itu g enak lhooo. oiya, gw pgn nulis sesuatu:

if you keep giving in to your feelings, your torturing yourself and your going nowhere. for sure.

apa yg gw tulis disaat gw waras biasanya berguna di kemudian hari. haha

yes, we broke up

2 days a go me and james broke up and went online all night crying the living shit out of me. the next day i couldn't bring myself to meet my friends cause all i do is whiiiiine and i know it's really annoying. the next day, my internet connection went dead and it was like MAJOR TORTURE. i can't focus on reading a novel, i'm out of dvd's, i can't keep calling people and whine. I HAVE TO GO OL. so here i am online using jco's wifi. aaaaaaand no more tears are shed! hahaha. i've sort of fix things up and i'm back in the game. haha. we didn't get back together, but we're ok. haha

guts

yeah, i've just finished reading this book. haunted by chuck palahniuk. a novel that consists of short stories that will gross you out of your wits. on the book that i bought, there's a writing on the cover that says parental advisory, read it at your own risk.

i've finished reading the whole book and there's a foreword by the author at the book. the first short story in this book is titled guts. it's about experiments with masturbation gone wrong. Horribly wrong. Nightmarishly wrong.

like any other authors, Palahniuk would go around to promote his book by giving book readings and book signings. he said that there are always, always people who fainted everytime he read guts. the total of people who has fainted while guts was being read is 73 people. that doesn't include people who has while fainted reading the story alone. haha.

Another story that's just as sick as guts is titled exodus. here is a paragraph about exodus taken from his foreword:

This was better from the tuesday before, when my story called 'exodus' sent a friend into my bathroom where she cried behind the locked door for the rest of the evening. Later, her therapist would ask for a copy of that story to help with her phsycoanalysis.

so one story bringing hundreds of people down and another that made someone pour their eyes out and confuse a therapist. can you still resist yourself from not reading this book? haha

=(

yeah if you've heard it, through facebook, through people or whatever, it's true.

75 minutes

beberapa hari yang lalu, donna laoshi ga masuk pas pelajaran xie, jd kita akhirnya nyampah di kelas 75 menit. trus lg ngobrol2 gt, gw iseng nanya pertanyaan yang wkt itu gw tulis di blog gw; menurut lo, manusia mendingan melakukan sesuatu dengan benar atau melakukan sesuatu yang benar. kalo ada yang baca, gw nulis jawabannya kan panjang lebar tu, pake gw sambung-sambungin ke kaidah sm norma segala, haha. ternyata tmn2 gw cuma jawab ' ya melakukan sesuatu yang benar lah, klo dengan benar berarti melakukan sesuatu yang salah dengan benar jg bisa dong.'

oiya ya, heheheheheehhe.

nah terus temen gw, janoko, nanya gini; klo emg tuhan mahakuasa, menurut lo bisa ga tuhan bikin batu yang sangat besar, sampe tuhan sendiri ga bisa ngangkat batu itu.

klo tuhan bisa bikin batunya, berarti tuhan ga mahakuasa, kan ga bisa ngangkat. klo tuhan bisa ngangkat, berarti tuhan ga mahakuasa soalnya tuhan ga bisa bikin batunya.

disinilah perdebatan dimulai. haha. gw sm janoko lawan satu kelas. hahahaahhaha

gw sm janoko dr kubu 'ateis' yang laennya dr kubu orang-orang beragama. ada buddha, kristen, katolik, islam

pertama gw nanya, kasi gw satu alesan knp lo percaya sm agama? boneng jawab, rasa nyaman nyet. gw jawab, gw bisa nyaman kok tanpa agama. malah gw g nyaman klo gw punya agama.

kedua gw nanya, lo percaya gt manusia dibuat dr tanah? dan gw jujur gw kaget bgt pas semua blg PERCAYA! itu jawabnya bener-bener satu kelas serempak dan yakin gt. dang. gw cuma bisa blg, sumpah demi apa lo? klo emg iya knp udah g pernah ada lg manusia dr tanah? dan mereka jawab, soalnya udah ada cara yang laen sekarang. lewat pertemuan sel telur sm ovum. hmmm. ini ga menjawab pertanyaan gw sebenernya.

trus gw tanya lg, di alquran, agama nasrani sm yahudi dianggap salah, lo percaya itu? daaaan satu kelas, ga satu kelas si, yang islam doang, pada jawab PERCAYA! daaaaaaaang. gw agak kesel sumpah, liat2 dong klo mau jawab. lo kira ga ada orang nasrani disitu. gw ga suka bgt sm orang2 yg ngerasa mereka paling bener. klo lo ngerasa lo paling bener, orang laen jg berhak ngerasa bener.

trus gw ditanya, lo percaya surga sm neraka? gw jawab nggak. hahaha. dan mereka blg, klo misalnya akhirnya surga sm neraka itu ada, lo mau gmn? ya gw jawab, ya mau gmn lagi, berarti gw salah. dan mereka blg, klo emg lo tau ada kemungkinan lo salah, kenapa lo masih g percaya jg? gw blg, haha gini deh, klo lo tau lo naek mobil bisa kecelakaan, kenapa lo masi naek jg? ya soalnya ada jg kan kemungkinan lo g kecelakaan.

trus gw ditanya, tujuan hidup lo apa? gw jawab aja, kita g ada yg tau tujuan hidup kita apa, yang penting kita ngejalanin hidup sebaik-baiknya. dan mereka blg tujuan hidup mereka msk surga. hmmm ya yaaa.

well, gw g ngerasa gw memenangkan perdebatan ini sm sekali. tp gw jg g ngerasa mereka menang. sebenernya panjang bgt debatnya dan gw g mungkin nulis semuanya. tp intinya, klo menurut gw, kita semua tu 'ditaroh' di dunia dengan 3 pertanyaan besar: dari mana asal kita? kemana kita klo udh mati? apa tujuan hidup kita?

and aren't we ALL DESPERATE to answer those questions. kita disini sama-sama berusaha nyari jawaban, ada yang berpengang sama agama soalnya agama tu kaya ngasi jawaban ke 3 soal itu(orang-orang beragama). ada yang g bisa percaya sm agama dan berusaha nyari sendiri jawaban dari pertanyaan-pertanyaan itu(free thinkers). ada yang berusaha ngejalanin hidup sebaik mungkin tanpa mikirin jawaban dr pertanyaan-pertanyaan itu(agnostic). kita semua dikasi akal dan kita semua punya comfort zone masing2. ada yang ngerasa enak sama agama yang ini, ada yang enak sm agama yg itu, ada yang enak sm kepercayaan ini, dll. tp in the end, kita ga ada yang tau kan sebener-benernya yang paling bener tu apa? jadi gw ga suka aja klo ngeliat orang maksain klo kepercayaan mereka itu bener. gw ga percaya agama apapun. agama gw flying spaghetti monster. itu yg gw percaya, tp gw jg ga ngejamin klo itu yang bener. bisa aja gw salah. life's one big mystery people, and we're all trying to solve it together, with our minds. minds that are given to us as the biggest gift a person can receive.

ok that's it

enough is enough. i have EVERY RIGHT to be mad.

and all of a sudden

everything really is as bright as i hope it would be. i hope things continue to get better. can't wait till tomorrow and monday!

WHY!

-kenapa msn gw g bisa dibuka?
-kenapa facebook lemot bgt?
-kenapa page yang gw mau buka ga bisa dibuka?

-kenapa namanya jelek bgt?

-kenapa masih ada yang pake nike dunk?

-kenapa gosip yang beredar makin lama makin ganas?

-kenapa kereta ekonomi AC kacau jadwalnya?

huaaaaaahh

aaaand

everything goes according to plan.

haha. long long day, i don't even know where to start. so i decide i won't start at all. haha.

James is coming home tomorrow!uber uber PSYCHED! asik2 ketemu pacar!

i'm sorry,

but i'm not giving up just yet.

still need cheering up. i called my dad dan ternyata bkp gw punya facebook dr kapan tau. haha. cukup menghibur. tp gw blom diapprove sm bkp gw katanya ada foto2 yg gw ga boleh liat. hahaha. foto2 di facebook gw jg ada yg sebaiknya papa g liat tp yaudahlah. ahhahahah. approve papa approve!

asik bntr lg buka

things that make me laugh the living shit out of me:

-MY FRIENDS! more than anything in the world

-my little brother

-south park

-anything about flying spaghetti monster

-F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

-naek sepeda keliling kampus

things that make me smile:

-reminiscing the past

-libraries

-bookstores

-having to ride the train

-last but definitely DEFINITELY not least, my james conrad gumulya

i could've made a waaaaaay longer list under different circumstances, but i'm not on top of the game right now, that's why i made the list in the first place. so anyone who's reading this, please, pleaseeeee add more to this list. i need it more than anything right now. comment me people. i'm waiting!

science damn you!

gosh i LOVVVVEEEEEEEEE south park. the more i watch it the more i feel connected to trey parker and matt stone. haha. i've just finished watching an episode called go god go. this episode is divided into to parts. it goes to the year 2546 (or was it 2564?), a time where people no longer give in to religions. so everybody in the world is an atheist.

religion. always the blame for war and mayhem. in a world without religion, is it really that peaceful? haha well to the south park people, the answer is still no. the atheists are divided again into 3 sections. the allied atheist alliance, the united atheist alliance and the unified atheist alliance. at least those are the names i remembered, correct me if my wrong. the only thing they worship is science. and the flying spaghetti monster was mentioned in this episode! yippee! hahaha

so the moral of the story is, haha, there's no way one religion or one believe is going to overcome the world. ever. everybody has their comfort zone when it comes to praising god and believing in a higher power. you can't lure people into believing what your believing. cause in the end, differences is what makes the world go round.

i watches this video on youtube about flying spaghetti monster. there are 2 parts and each of them is 7 minutes long. i just don't feel like posting them here. maybe someday. on the video, it says that what makes flying spaghetti monster a religion different from other religions is because people who are in it know that their religion is a joke. welllll, isn't that what makes FSM the same as other religions???

pastafarian

ahahahhahahhaha gw ngakak nyet. check them out

penampakan Flying Spaghetti Monster

Burning Bush! ahahahaha

FSM sculpture

hahahahha. Adip! tanggung jawab lo ngenalin gw k FSM! hahahaha.

xiang-ness

i haven't seen you in ages and it's so friggin' ass hard to find a decent minute to just talk normally on the phone. come home quick. can't wait to see you.

going greek

but then, i miss you more than orpheus misses eurydice.

the bookstore itself

hmmm sayang gw g bisa nemu foto times bookstore, tp klo mau liat, liat aja di globe asia. ada iklannya kok. tadi si katanya baru 68.000 buku dan targetnya mau 170.000 buku. jadi setengahnya aja blom jadi. so, if you feel like visiting, i suggest you visit later in life. haha. the owner said that we should visit every 2 weeks to see the changes it's made.

oedipus the king

how could i NOT be psyched! i have an assignment on oedipus the king!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ga nyesel ngambil mpk seni teater. ahahaha. after being uber major jealous of the people over at french studies for having a greek mythology class, i finally have one of my own! well, something like it. having to study the oedipus script is the closest thing to greek mythology class. it's not like i haven't read the script already, i've already watch antigone the play. so everybody fell asleep during the play, but i looooooveeeedddd it. i wish i could watch it again actually. haha.

i went to times bookstore today at UPH. it was really big and nice but now, for some reason, i value libraries more than bookstores. books in libraries have more values and histories. and i think that there's a reason how a book could end up in a library. anyway, times bookstore wasn't bad. there's like tons of space for you to curl up with a book. the first on my mind on my way there was 'look for a clockwork orange'. but once i got there, i assumed that they probably won't have a book that rare. so here are the 5 books that i bought:

God is Not Great. I just realizes it has a tagline that says how religion poisons everything. it was really hard to sneak that book into the cashier without my parents looking. i also wanted to buy in God We Doubt and The Atheist's Bible, but my mum would slaughter me right then and there. haha

Peony. aaaaah Pearl S. Buck. Should I say more?

Diary. Remember, if it's palahniuk, it's probably worth it.

To the nines. I don't know why i bought this. i've failed trying to read high school books ever since i started college. but after watching the princess diaries on Disney Channel a few weeks ago, i kind of miss Mia and her stupidness.

So the plastic bag they used was really cool. it has names of famous authors all over it. well it's not just in the plastic bags actually, but all over the building walls. there are great quotes to like there are more treasures in a book than treasures in the pirate's loot-walt Disney and you can't open a book without learning something-dalai Lama.

But on the plastic bag, there's anthony Burgess. uuurrrggghh. so they probably do have a clockwork orange. my mum said i could just buy it off ebay, but i don't want a buy a book that's just a click away. i use to, but i've posted it before. the books i bought at amazon ended up being neglected or lost cause i got it so easy. there's no effort in buying in. no thrill of the hunt except typing the book title and clicking enter.

I also met up with aby today after agesssss of not seeing her. and my campus life is just getting better. i passed the oral exam. yipee! less than half of my class passed it. and most of the people who passed are ones who have studied chinese earlier.

so, despite the annoying disturbance distance has caused, my life is pretty much great for now. =)

=(

i am so sick of not knowing

so sick of feeling distant

so sick of telling myself everything's fine

so sick of ignorance

so sick of neglect

so sick of trying like shit for something so seemingly impossible

i want to end this more than anything in the world

ngantuk parah

iya gw ngantuk tp gw pgn ngepost ini.

beberapa hari yang lalu tmn gw yg lagi kebanjiran sms gratis ngirim sms ky gini k semua orang:

'menurut kalian, sebaiknya orang berbuat sesuatu yang benar atau berbuat sesuatu dengan benar?'

haha. gw suka pertanyaan aneh2 gitu, tp jujur gw sempet stumped pas baca itu. trs gw mikir2 dan gw dpt jawaban yang menurut gw paling enak. menurut gw lho.

ky yg pernah gw tulis di post sebelomnya klo ada yang baca, manusia ga perlu indikator mutlak buat nentuin mana yang bener dan mana yang salah. kita dikasi akal pikiran buat itu. in this case menurut gw g masalaha apa dia melakukan dengan benar atau melakukan yang benar, g ada yang benar dan yang salah di hidup ini. apa yang menurut lo bener blom tentu bener menurut orang lain. hal yang mutlak sekalipun kaya 1+1=2 juga ga selalu bener. ngasi sedekah ke orang minta2 ga selalu bener kok. ada yang bilang ngasi sedekah ke orang minta2 salah karena mereka sering boong, pura2 cacat klo g nyuruh anaknya yang minta2 dan dia enak2 nerima duitnya. contoh lain, klo menurut orang beragama berdoa itu wajib, menurut orang atheis itu salah karena mereka percaya tuhan itu g ada.

jadi maksud gw adalah, ga ada di dunia ini yang bener dan yang salah. semua tergantung pikiran tiap orang. kaya yang chuck palahniuk pernah bilang, what goes on in your mind is always right, making everything you do become right. even if you decide to do the wrong thing on purpose, by doing it, you have already turned a wrong into a right.

tapiiii, cuma karena ada pemikiran kaya gini bukan berarti seseorang trus terjun ke masyarakat dan bertindak seenaknya. ngaco2 trus pake alesan, ya menurut gw ini bener. itu sebabnya manusia perlu belajar moral dan etika. 

ya kira2 gt d. mungkin ada yg salah ketik apa ada yang lupa gw ketik. gw udah ngantuk bgt jg.

btw,any objections?

FUN!

ok, i don't even know where to start but i'm having the time of my life at campus! i feel that my campus has everything to maximize my potential. haha. now i finally know how to ride a bike, while my boyfriend still doesn't. i looove going to campus and back home by train everyday and i've made countless friends by riding the train. i loooooove spending hours in the library and discovering new sections every time i visit. my current favorite sections are greek mythology, english literature and filsafat agama. i took 3 philosophy books with me to the chinese library today making me look like an orang salah jurusan. haha. i don't feel salah jurusan, i've just taken interest in philosophy again. i'm rereading sophie's world for the umpteenth time and the book i read today, philosophy east and west was just great.

i've also decided that the English Debate Society is the best UKM for me. i went in for an interview and i really really really hope i get accepted. i asked them 'udah pernah kemana aja?' and i thought they would just say places inside the country but they told me all the countries they've been to and i was like WOW. they're jumping from continent to continent every year! I WANT IN! hahaha

I chose theater for my art class and i am LOVING IT! we discussed greek theater today and i was completely at the edge of my seat wanting to burst with euphoria. there were so many things i didn't know earlier. we were also given assignments to read oedipus the king and give our comments about it. aaaaaaaahhhhhh! i can never get enough greek mythology and i can't wait to take the greek mythology class next semester!

lost and hopefully found

2 things which are pretty important have been lost i i really hope i'll find them both real soon. my okk badge. nyetttt gw udah cape2 ikut okk, beneran cape, sampe gw mengorbankan ke bandung demi okk dan sekarang badgenya ilang aja lho. uuuurrrggghhh. katanya si bisa beli lg, tp g ada yg tau dimana dan gimana. dan badge okk ituky identitas angkatan gt. biasanya lo tau orang tu angkatan brp dari badge okknya kan? yaaa mudah2an si ketemu. dan mudah-mudahan bentar lg gw dpt badge makara karena kayanya semua orang udah dpt.

boncel's shirt. i took it out of my bag, put it on my table then i left my house. when i got back, it was no longer on my table. assuming in it's the laundry, i didn't bother look for it. now i can't find it anywhere. my wardrobe, my parent's my sister's, and nobody claims to have seen it. uuurrrgghhh. i haven't met boncel for more than a month and it would be really nice if one of his belongings is around me, esp if it's wearable.

so, i really really hope i can find those 2 things!

=O

someone who has studied philosophy for 2 whole years, still prays 5 times a day and ga mau bersetuhan sama yang bukan muhrimnya. even a spagnostic like me have got to admit that's pretty WOW. it's definitely not something you see everyday.

ramen!

tugas makin banyak, makin sadis, makin g kira-kira. waktu makin dikit, makin males ngerjain. udah g ada yg jelas. sigh. capeeeeee sumpah capeeeeee. k kampus pagi blk sore, smp rumah mau g mau, suka g suka harus belajar klo g ngerjain tugas. baru tidur. kmrn aja cuma dpt tidur 2 jam. uuuurrrggghhhh kapan bisa tenang klo ky gini. tai tai tai capeeeeeee.

tonite i plan to do something which will probably surprise quite a few people. but i've thought over it and whatever the result, i hope it's the best. i KNOW it'll be the best. but right now i'm just going to remind myself something i keep forgetting:

easier said than done.

hahah

buat orang yg sebelomnya pernah buka link flying spaghetti monster di link sebelom ini dan keluarnya bokep, itu karena gw salah ngasi link. hahahahahaa. tp udh gw ganti jd yg baru kok. check it out!

FSM

gw lg makan spaghetti tiba2 inget flying spaghetti monster. haha. yup that's kind of officially my new religion. check it out.

church of flying spaghetti monster

they have a facebook account too!

now that's what i call a day!

haha. yeah i finally had more fun. it's been quite a while actually. our OBM(orientasi belajar mahasiswa) class decided to meet up for buka puasa brg. OBM is like this class we have to attend for 6 days.
my classes finishes at 12 then i hanged at kansas(kantin sastra) for a while, only to drool over those delicious food others are eating. then i had my driving lesson and for the first time ever i didn't fall asleep!ahahahaha. now i know the secret, make the car really hot. like boiling hot. turn off the AC if possible, that way you'll never get sleepy. then i met up with laras and just hang in the FISIP musholla. then i went to kosannya randu and hang with the others there until it was time to go and meet my OBM class. last, i got home with one of my OBM classmate and a 2 other people from my faculty. we talked and it turns out that me and my OBM classmate are sort of connected through a friend. yeah don't you just love it when that happens. then someone goes and say, dunia kecil bgt. haha. and one of the other guys on the train, the one from the same faculty from me, just borrowed a greek mythology book from the library. it was sooooo old and you'll never find it anywhere else. it's thick and typed with a typewriter. awesomeness!
g penting abis ni post. tp yaa pgn nulis aja. hahah

aaaaarrrgghhh

tugas and assignments:heaps

mood buat ngerjain NOL BESAR

viva la vida

some say i have the talent of choosing good books. well, actually you all do actually. it's not that hard. all you have to do is:
-always, always, ALWAYS check the bestseller section. don't ever get bored if you see the same books on every bestseller section. those are the books definitely worth to read. memorize the title and the author
-check out every book recommended by anyone, no matter who
-the book review is always a more interesting part than the horoscope in a magazine. check out all the books reviewed there
-check out every book mentioned on tv or in the radio. those books managed to get to the media for a reason
-after checking out all those books, pick the one with the genre most suitable for you. don't pick twilight if you're not interested in high school vampire romance

and remember, if it's palahniuk, it's probably worth it. lol

er!

what begins with the letter J and always sends me spiralling to euphoria? haha

happy 2 months anniversary james! hahaha. exactly 2 months we were at taman menteng at this hour. haha. it might sound sampah but it was too much fun. come back to jakarta! i miss having all the fun i can have with you!

haha. i don't know why i posted our prom pic. but i really like it. itu sbelom kita jadian. haha

crossover

ooooh wowy i'm feeling uber nostalgic today. don't you just hate it when you miss one time in your past and you know it will never happen again and there's no way you can get back to it though you really want to?

exactly last year, at the exact same hour probably, was the first time i saw james. it at jakarta crossover senayan city. 30 people from my school and 30 people from his school were asked to help with the event. i got the lost and found part with james, maria and sadia. we pretty much just sat there and talked cause nothing got lost during the event. nothing got lost, but james was found. by me. haha. my first impression on him was, 'oh ini yg namanya boncel. haha ky anak cc nyasar. cina, kacamata.' hahahah no offense to anyone.

i remember someone asked him through the walkie talkie, 'cel, ada siapa aja disana?' then he answered, 'ada maria, sadia,' paused, moving the walkie talkie away from him and asked me ,'nama lo siapa?' i told him my name and he said to the walkie talkie,'sama lidya.' hahaha

i want my james! besok 2 bulanan dan kita udh satu bulan g ketemu! haha

i also reminisce kelas bahasa today. sumpah kangen bgttttttt! ayo2 buka puasa bareng! sedih d klo inget kita udah g bisa lg jajan k kantin trus gossip di depan kelas. trus tidur pas sastra. huhuhu. kangeeen.

kgn naruto jg. haha

,.,.,.

sumpah2 g enak bgttttttttttttttt. i hope i NEVER ever have to go through that again!

haha

iya2 gw jg seneng msk ui. tp kampus kita udah cukup kuning kan? g perlu album2 sm primary foto di facebook ikutan jd warna kuning kan? haha

ces't la vie

so life has been great lately. i've started learning chinese which is superiola ultra major hard but somehow fun. and i'm enjoying my campus more and more. it seems like there are countless things that kept surprising me there. like the 4 story library with a special 2 story chinese section with bookshelves high as the ceiling. that is only the faculty library, i wonder what the main library looks like. i also have to get a better view at the kandang rusa. haha yeah, there's a kandang rusa at my campus. god knows what it's for. and i've started going on the Rp 1500 train instead of the fully conditioned Rp 6000. the 1500 has no doors and it's always jam packed with people and i've heard countless rumors of what goes on in there. but seriously, it's not that bad. it's actually kind of fun. and today i fell asleep on the train trus gw ngiler. anjing malu bgttttt. hahaha. ngilernya g wajar gt lg. hahaha.

i've also start my driving lessons. yesterday was my second day and i fell asleep again while driving. just like the first day. bener2 ketiduran smp 2 kali hampir nyerempet dan bukannya neken rem malah ngegas. haahah. me and my stupid sleeping trouble.

so for those who don't know yet, i take chinese studies in college and i get a lot of 'ha? mau jd apa lo?s'

well FYI people, did you know that condoleeza rice (if you think you're bright enough to tell me ngapain masuk program studi cina than i suppose you'd be as bright to know who she is) took russian studies in uni. and look at her now. russia happens to be the sworn enemy of america. while china, well china, i guess we could say that china is our biggest enemy and at the same time our biggest co-worker.

nada 1, nada 2, nada 3

next book in line:

-god is not great

-the atheist's bible

-in god we doubt

uuuuuuh can't wait!

a few days ago when i was browsing in a bookstore, i read a verse from the atheist's bible which says

With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.

-Steven Weinberg