as much as i love jakarta....

gw lg pgn bgt bgt bgt bgt keluar jakarta. banget. i can't even explain how much i want to leave this city so much and live in a whole new place. alone. saking desperate, kayanya ngekos di depok will do deh. bnran. problem is, i still have this teaching job of mine.

don't get me wrong, i love the city, every bit of it. down to the traffic jam and the noisiness and the buildings and everything. but i want to live aloneee. i really really really really want to live alone. i know some people who just graduated from highschool (2 years younger than i am) and already living alone di kosan. and i feel like i've been stuck in my for years and will still be stuck for the upcoming years.

ok so i'm graduating in 2 years(AMIN). i don't know wether i should continue with post-grad or get a decent paying job somewhere so i could rent my own apartment and live alone and stuff.

it's times like these dimana gw mikir, gimana ya klo dulu gw jadi ke australi. that'd be great. i mean really great.

to make a long story short, i only have 2 choices, ngekos di depok. or ikut beasiswa ke cina. i can't ngekos cause i can't leave my students, i just can't. and beasiswa ke cina, i can't hide the fact that i still have a boyfriend. ya masa gw tinggal setaun. i know nothing is supposed to stop me since i'm young, tp ninggal tau2 diri jg lah. lagian ya gw kaya baru bisa ikut gt2an taun dpn gt.

sumpah bnr2 pgn bgt keluar jakarta

i just love this verse

we're not teenagers, but we're not quite adults. at times we're being chastised by our parents for not calling; at others, we're starting internships at companies we might want to work for someday, in our real adult lives. My advice: instead of worrying about who you were or what you'll become, try to just enjoy the moment.

-gossip girl

travel

it all started when i was watching breakfast at tiffany's (nice movie btw) and audrey hepburn started singing moon river. when she got to the part where the song goes "2 drifters, off to see the world" i suddenly realized, how nice it would be if i could really travel the world. but then i thought, why would i want to see the world if i haven't even been around my own country much. i don't know, but it just doesn't make sense. it's like you've been all around town but you've never even visited your backyard. it's sounds all wrong.

actually, ever since i was little, i've always wanted to travel across indonesia. not just travel, but really go into the rainforest and dive in the ocean and stuff like that. i remember how i use to love watching jejak petualang and how i wanted to be just like that when i grow up, but hey, how many of us clung on to our childhood dreams. it eventually gets forgotten.

so now i'm twenty, and wanting to live the dream more than anything, really. so maybe i want to so 'muluk', i'll probably just visit other cities and enjoy what i can enjoy there. i mean, i AM indonesian and i've only been to jakarta, bandung, bali, lombok, jogja, solo. ok so maybe that's better than none but really, out of the 18000 islands in indonesia i've only been to 3. seriously.

i want to know what semarang, surabaya, padang, medan, ambon, manado, looks like. later on it would be nice if i could visit sumba and other wonderful places.

last january i went to bali with my dad and i met my dad's business partner who was hawaiian. he said that there's this american couple who made a cottage in the island of sumba and the money they get actually goes to sumba. so far, they have made a few hospitals and a bunch of schools.

i was so awestruck upon hearing that, i mean, it's not even their country and they're being sooo nice to us and here we are not caring shit about the sake of our country and just standing there doing pretty much nothing and claim that they are nationalist. probably the biggest favor we've ever done is wear t-shirts resembling our love for our country but pretty much 0 action.

if you happen to be a true nationalist who reads this posts, please don't get offended, i know a lot of people are doing a great job in making things work and i salute you but you gotta admit that there are more people who well, just don't do much or even nothing aka me. trust me i'm not proud of this AT ALL.

i've made a pact ever since junior high to later work in indonesia under any circumstances and continue living here no matter how delicious other countries seem. indonesia has giving me SO MUCH MORE than a place to live and i'm not going to just abandon it. the least i can do is give something back, in any way. even if i ever work outside indonesia, it's for the sake of my country.

happy 20th :)

so the guy i've spent my life with for the last 1 year and 3 months just celebrated his birthday 2 days ago. yeah this post is a little late but better late than never. as a little gift, i'm going to dedicate this post to him.

first thing, me and iman is not a pair of dream couple and we're not exactly the couple that makes other people jealous. to be honest, he is the exact opposite of EVERYTHING i want in a guy (except for the fact that he's left handed, cause i just love that in guys). i don't even know what made me fell for him in the first time, but something just sparked.

in the past year, we fight way way more than the normal dose. we argue about the littlest thing, about the biggest of things and shit and we broke up and make up constantly.we also went to a bunch of things i never even dreamed would have to experience.

we hook up when we were both 18 and now we're both 20. this is the turning point of our lives. of everybody's life actually. the age where you learn about how to face life and the time you actually grow up and matures. i always thought i could do it alone, but boy was i wrong.

iman has thought me more than anything i could ever imagine. he doesn't really teach me actually, but he made me realize, made me open my eyes to the things that were always there but i never knew existed. he made me realize things that i am now more grateful than ever to have realize and i could never have imagined how my life would've turned out if he was never there to begin with.

it's like, when you're going through tough times, you pick a buddy. pick a friend. pick someone that you can actually trust. i'm lucky enough to actually have someone to be my 'growing up buddy'. i knew i could never ever asked for anyone better.

i love how i would rant on about some stuff that i'm going through and how i would just complain complain complain. but with just one or two sentences, he could pretty much changed everything. i don't know how you do it, but you're plain awesome.

cheers, may we still be together for the years to come

unfortunately, all good things do come to an end

so my holiday's been great and i just got back from japan and all and i thought about posting pictures and stories but i really am not in the mood.

it's been a year and 3 months since me and my current boyfriend started seeing each other. in that 1 year and 3 months we break-up and make-up continuously until it sickens each other and everyone around us. but weird thing is, after all those fights, all those nonsense arguments, you end up really knowing a person and really learn to appreciate them. lately things have been amazing, and we didn't just get to this point just like that, we fought for it, we strive for it, bottom line is, we earned it.

some of you reading this may know that our relationship has never really been that serious. i mean, we're more of the right now couple. never have any plans to go any further.

but then earlier today i was jokingly saying if we'll still be together for the next world cup and he said something in the lines of, "of course not, that's ages from now."

well i know this is truer than true, neither of us plans to spend the rest of our lives with each other. but really, this gets me thinking.

if you've been to hell and back with a person, you'll really feel that you have a connection with them. i dare say that now, i'm most comfortable with him than anyone else i can thing of. i can't see myself with another person. for now, that just seems all wrong.

right now, i'm just dead scared that we'll both come to that point where we come to think, 'if this is going nowhere, then why am i still here? why fight for something we know will never last?'

but at the same time, i still want to be together.

oh goodness gracious, now i'm confused.

hitting the big 20

god, i don't even know where to start. but look at me, i just started with the word god so that must be a good sign haha.

ok, so i just had my 20th birthday. it was really nice and i really can't not smile everytime i see the picture of me and donghae kyuhyun that ajeng gave me hahahah. but turning 20 got me thinking. well, actually, it wasn't turning 20 that got me thinking.

to make a long story short, aka to save myself from rambling; i'm scared of growing up. really i am. really really bad. i even googled up fear of growing up and thank god it's good to know i'm not alone.

maybe it's not what i'll have to face that's scaring me, but more of what i'll have to leave. i've had such an amazing youth and i can't bare to think that that's going to stop in in a few years. it tortures me to see newly graduated high school students. i can't believe that that was 2 years ago for me. i remember being really really happy. i mean, i've just finished high school, looking forward to uni, and just got the guy of my dreams haha. it really couldn't get any better. even if a million dollars fell out of the sky in my front yard, i still wouldn't be happier than i was then. and here i am, two years into uni, no longer excited. the only thing in my mind is get good grades and graduate in 2012, no more.

second, i honestly really really like competing in english competitions. i've competed in primary school, junior high, high school and also uni. i want more! seriously, i do! i love winning haha and i love the thrill of doing it and i really really can't wait for binus' next english competition cause i've never joined a scrabble competition before and i think i'm more that ready for that. then i realized, your time's almost up. once you graduated college, you'll be much to old for those kinds of competition. i can't join anything anymore. furthermore, anything such as organizations and pageants will have a maximum age and time's running out. i have never ever thought of joining pageants before, but with this fear of growing up and the ticking time bomb towards actual responsibility, i'm starting to think i'm going to do everything that has an age limit, just for the fun of it.

then comes marriage. oh goodness marriage. my friends are getting married one by one right before me and to be honest it's scaring me shitless. it's making realize even more that i already am entering the age where it is time for something such as marriage. i use to be so young and those people that are getting marriage are way older than me and now here i am as old as them. oh god oh god oh god.

this is so effin' killing me bit by bit.

but here's what i told myself; nobody's forcing you to do everything fast and flawless. take your time. don't grow up of you're not ready. just don't. take all the time you want, you will be ready eventually. a lot of things can change in 2 years. do all the teenagery stuff you want to do if that makes you feel better. and nobody's telling you to not make mistakes. make them. or else you won't learn. don't make fatal ones that'll affect your future or something like that. make silly little ones that you can laugh off one day.

all in all. don't act your age, act like the age of your soul. haha

libur sampe september

as some of you may know, or remember, last year i got an internship at makki makki branding consultant. i worked at an office from 8 am till late from monday to sunday. just like having a real job. i did that for 2 months so i only get to spend the last month of my holiday. this holiday, i planned that i didn't want to work at an office again. it's so tiring and blah. I didn't even want to look for a job, i thought i'd just add another student so that i'll spend my holiday teaching 3 students.

so here i am on the second week of my holiday. to make a long story short, i now only teach 2 student. i got another offer today to teach another student every day from monday to thursday which would actually be really great, but i turned it down. malesssss bgt. jangankan nambah, just dealing with these 2 aja gw sbnrnya agak, nyeaaaahhh males. seriously what is wrong with me??? mau jd apa gw kalo males2 gini terus.

but the thing is, to be really really extremely honest, i don't feel that guilty. i mean, my holiday just started and i'm having so much fun. emg gitu2 doang but it's fun enough. so far gw baru ngerasa kebosenan satu hari doang pas hari pertama. anyway, i already had an internship last year so it's ok if i don't go again this year. i want to cut myself some slack.

anyway, i'm getting a microwave for my birthday! sooooo happy! finally, after years of waiting.