uts tai

gw bingung mau nulis apa. sebenernya gw udah ngetik panjang bgt buat post ini. tp gw apus karena menurut gw postnya terlalu rasis. gw ga merendahan ras laen, meninggikan malah, tp ttp aja, gw blom seenak itu ngomongin ras drpd agama. sumpah ya, skrg ras udah jadi topik favorit kedua gw setelah agama. hehe.

akhir2 ini kerjaan gw cuma ke kampus, pulang, ntn celestial movies, belajar. zzzzzzzzz. bosen... dan sangat amat butuh refreshing. gw harus ngafalin 200an karakter cina buat uts. katanya klo udah bisa 1000, kita bisa baca 90% dr isi koran. klo udah bisa baca 3000 kita udah bisa lancar baca. urgh, gw ngafalin 200 aja empot2an.

trus celestial movies, gila gw bener2 nyekokin diri gw sendiri pake celestial movies. parah2. haha. tapi i'm actually enjoying it. soalnya surprisingly, gw ngerti! hehe. tapi sayangnya film cina tu jarang bgt ada yang bagus. sampah2 kebanyakan. di saat2 kaya gini gw jeles sama anak jepang. mereka ntn aja naruto dr episode awal sampe akhir. anjrit anime bagus2 gt, enak bgt mereka belajarnya. anak korea juga enak. korean dramas are always a guilty pleasure. film cina yang kmrn gw tonton judulnya beauty and the breast. sumpah sampah. itu komedi bokep tp ga jadi gt. trus yang td gw tonton love message. ah itu jg sampah. jadi ya, klo misalnya diantara lo ada yang pernah ntn film cina dan menurut lo itu bagus, kabar2in ya. hahahha

ni ya, palingan yang bgs tu gw ntn:

kungfu hustle

forbidden kingdom

curse of the golden flower

crouching tiger hidden dragon

UTS is around the corner

than why am i still doing here? haha. well i am actually studying right now but i just feel like posting. i decided it's time for me to take another internet hiatus until UTS is over. cause once i let my self go online, it's extremely hard to make myself stop. haha.

i've made a few 'renovations' to my blog which wont make much of a difference actually. hehe. but from now on, i am going to put a picture of the book i am currently reading. i'll probably give a review every time i've finished reading. oh and, i try to choose the cover of the book which is the same with the one i am actually reading.

oh and, gw pgn ceritaa. haha. today i chat with a friend of mine who hasn't been online for ages. his name's bryan. well this bryan, he sorta kind of squirt my face with water to 'wake me up'. well, intinya, i no longer blame bandung for our breakup. seriously, where was i all this time anyway? it's actually crystal clear that the main problem all along is not distance and bandung. it's well, something else. i also realized that if i opened myself up to people, i could actually start to have fun again.

well, i guess sampe sini dulu. i won't be online until next weekend. yes, yes, menganalisis bahasa dalam wacana, i'm getting back to you.

 tootles!

=(

you know how when nothing is actually wrong but nothing feels right at the same time? well, i'm having one of those moments and i just want to keep writing until i feel better. tp, trus kapan gw belajar???? zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. gw udah sengaja ga ikut keluarga gw pergi biar gw bisa belajar di rumah tp gw dr td udah usaha ga masuk2 aja tu semua pelajaran.

masi berapa puluh lagi karakter cina yang gw afalin? ngafalin segini aja udah susah gimana gw mau ngafalin smp beribu2? pake ada urutan ngegambernya nya segala lg, pake NADA segala lg. zzzzzzzzzzzz.

you know when things you have been avoiding finally happens anyway, you start throwing what if questions.

what if i dared myself to cabut okk and just go to bandung anyway?

what if i eliminate all gengsi2 tai and just go with my dad to bandung at that time?

there are like ten gazillion other what ifs in my head right now. but those 2 are the ones bugging me the most. if i did go to bandung at those 2 chance i had, it might not make the relationship last longer, but it'l definitely allow me to spend more times with him even if it just an hour or so. gossssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

ini sebenernya sangat amat bertentangan sm prinsip gw yg mengatakan, jangan pernah nyesel, pasti ada alesan knp gw ga ngelakuin hal-hal itu dulu.

but still

that 7 letter word

ok so this post is going to be agak vulgar but i have to write it down or else i might explode. well, lebay si, but here it goes.

the 7 letter word i was referring to is BANDUNG.

on one side, i am uber super major major insanely jealous of ALL my friends and family who gets to study that god forsaken city. each and everyone of them said that it was really really fun and free and whatever whatever whatever. seriously sometimes i can't help but to wonder how things will be now if i went to uni there. 

on the other side. i can't help but really really super major insanely hate that city. i still put the blame on my breakup because of that god forsaken city.

so why am i writing this? god knows. cause honestly i don't.

ever since james moved to bandung, things has just been really really...... ga enak. it was ok for like the first week. the rest was filled with both of us forcing our asses to make the relationship work. at times like these i wonder what if i went to uni in bandung as well? better, what if i went to the same uni and the same major. a friend of mine said things would definitely work out well. hmmmm, but nobody really knows, do they?

if i didn't get accepted at ui, i would go and study in australia. uni starts october 16 there. which was like 3 days ago. if i didn't get accepted at ui and i went to aussie, i'd break up for sure and will i curse my brain for not getting accepted at ui? will i go around wishing i'd have been accepted and not have to worry about the distance between us? will i go around thinking that if i got accepted at ui things will work out between us? well, it turns out things didn't. so who could guarantee bandung would give a better result?

so the conclusion of this ever so pointless post is, you can never predict the future. all we see is just the tip of an iceberg.

into the wild

the title, yeah, i watched that movie yesterday. it was great! i know it's somehow basi but it's still really good. emile hirsch is also the hottest thing alive! haha. if you haven't seen it, it's about this guy who graduates from college, donates all his savings to charity then decides to just live out there alone in the wild. his real name is christopher mccandless but he changes it to alex supertramp. he's really passionate about reading and living out in the wild. he even brought with him a load of books to read in the wild.

speaking about passion, i wonder what's mine? today i kind of found out that to truly charge and never give up on something, you really do have to love that thing your doing. you can't just pick anything and decide that's you passion in live. you have to completely live it and decide that you really cannot continue on living without that one thing. feel no pressure in doing it and actually make money from it. but the thing is, what's my passion?

so ok, i like to read. and i LOVE sharing what i've read. i like recommending books to people and i like discussing books i've read. i ALWAYS bring a novel everywhere i go. i read in the train, in the station, in the cafeteria, in between classes and in every time that's possible to read. i just got so used to it, i sometimes forget that being in a constant reading mode is not something normal. i love to write as well, but every time i get a chance to publish my writings, my mood kind of drops and it would turn out to be completely crap. so i guess my weakness is, i like to have fun, but when i have to commit to somethings, i'll completely back off.

so i figured, reading the one thing i'm really passionate about. that and religions. haha. and what good would it be if i couldn't share what i've known so far? the problem is, i have major major lack in public speaking skills.

speaking of sharing what i know, i've lately discovered that i LOVE to teach. i love it when people come up to me to help them with some of their work. i love it when fanie would ask me to paraphrase or translate her work which are usually extremely hard. i find that really challenging. i was pretty happy when in the holidays when nche asked me to translate her boyfriend's english assignment. it sure gave me a little something in the boredom of my holiday. i really liked, it when laras, asked me to change the structure of a sentence later knowing that i got 5 of them wrong. haha. by teaching people other things, i get to learn new things myself. apart from english stuff, a week ago james asked me to help with correct all the wrongs in his essay, in bahasa indonesia. i was really glad that i could immediately detect a wrong sentence or structure when i see one. oh and my favorite, when the people from french studies ask me for help in greek mythology. haha

i'm not saying i want to be a teacher and honestly, i don't think i'm teaching anyone that much when i teach. gile gw masi minim bgt kali. haha. but, at least it's nice to share what i know instead of keeping them to myself. my cousin as a radio presenter told me today that he can't live without broadcasting. haha. he loves the fact that he's able to tell all the people out there about the books he's read, the places he goes to and stuff like that and gets responses from listeners! wowy. i want that. but for now, i really have to find something i would totally dig.

hey were still young aren't we? i'm definitely taking some time to discover who i really am and what i really want to be =)

oh my!

now my mum thinks i broke up because of .......... hahahah i can't write it here. it's innapropriate. but it's really stupid. i am SO SORRY james, i ca'n explain how this happened but i don't feel like explaining it to my mum. if i tell her the truth im afraid she'll just think that i'm trying to make her think the opposite of what she thinks.

but seriously, this is actually really funny. hahahahahahhaa.

more religion stuff. haha

so a few days ago i was at the cafeteria with a few seniors and 1 friend from my year, vava. i don't really know these seniors but they were really nice and all. the one sitting next to me, suddenly asked me 'hmmm, nama lo td siapa? idya ya? agama lo apa?'. i was once told that she could read other people's mind. and well, i just answered 'ga punya agama.'

my statement kind of shocked the whole table cause i just knew them a few seconds ago and they didn't know anything about mu beliefs. then my senior just went 'oooh, pantesan. gw drtd ngerasa ada yang beda. gw udah nahan2 mau nanya tp ga enak. maaf ya, gw ga pernah kok tiba2 lgsg nanya agama orang tp gw ngerasa bgt ada yang beda.'

ooh ok, WOW. she's good. haha. but it got me thinking. so was i really that different just from not believing in a religion? i asked her if it was positive different or negative different and she only said ' ga tau, pokoknya beda aja.' haha.

nearly all my friends that's in the same batch as me knows about my beliefs, and it surprises me how much of them actually came up to me and said they're actually just like me but they're not ready to come out. and lately i've been hearing a lot of  'agama lo apa?' being answers with, ' gw kaya idya.' haha i'm glad i could speak up for them but i wish they'd all come out too. come on people, it feels great to stand up for what you believe. haha.

also, i would like to explain more about the flying spaghetti monster because A LOT of people are mistaking it for a lot of things. i've heard it being called a communist society and a satanic cult. NOOOOOOOO. it's faaaaaaaaaar from those things. flying spaghetti monster is a PARODY RELIGION. it uses a hell lot of amount of sarcasm. most of the members are people who actually have a real religion but are disappointed by their religion. this doesn't mean there are no atheists and agnostics joining. EVERYONE is allowed to join. flying spaghetti monster worships a flying spaghetti monster as their god. they create conclusions such as, the burning bush is actually a flying spaghetti monster but at that time moses had really bad eyesight(god i love this), and ones such as the increase of global warming is caused by the decreasing amount of pirates. therefore we should dress up like pirates. they create fake videos of the flying spaghetti monster itself giving an appearance and pretend to believe it as the real thing. well, in conclusion, flying spaghetti monster is just a parody religion with nothing but sarcasm.

here are some things i hope can make you all understand better.

I’m not ready to give up my spiritual beliefs, but I feel like “my” church has betrayed me. Just as extreme Islam has made westerners equate “Muslim” with “terrorist,” the word “Christian” has been co-opted by social & political terrorists. Where are all the “centrist” Christians who should be rising up against this identity theft?

let me emphasize that the FSM is not an atheist organization. We are Christians, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Protestants, agnostics, atheists, humanists, deists, pagans and Wiccans. We are not against anyone’s god in any way. We are simply against hatred and dogmatism. We protest people who come to our campus and try to push their religions on other people. 

For more info, go to www.venganza.org and visit youtube and search flying spaghetti monster. there are a lot of videos that will know explain what FSMism is all about. this religion has nothing to do with communists, satanic cults or pro-abortions or whatever. please be aware of what you hear. we are just another form of protest.