trainspotted

you know how people say don't wish for easier tasks, but wish to be a stronger person. for me, i wish i was weaker, cause god will never give me tasks beyond my ability. if i was weaker, i wouldn't be put in so much hell of a test.

ok, that's not a good example. i know i'm not suppose to think that way but sometimes i can't help it.

the reason i think that way is because when i see my friends, they would probably crumble and give up if they were in my position. no, this time i'm not talking about any relationship problem at all, it's something else. but then again, i know that's just the self-centered me talking. i know very well that everybody has different points of strength and weaknesses. so i would probably crumble too if i were in their position.

still in copeland, coping

i wanted you to be happy and i wanted this to happen. even if i never wanted this to happen it will come sooner or later and i shouldn't act all mooshy and and mope around and stuff cause this really sucks but it really is hard. worst of all, my boyfriend has every right to be pissed off at me at the moment but he isn't. he just isn't. which leads me to even more guilt.

shock therapy bnr2 ni

i wanted to write about my life, my opinions again, my campus life, my new job and stuff. but here i am once again being a hopeless romantic and freaking out all over again over some stupid guy.

i know this is complete crap and none of you may not want to care and some might say i really shouldn't be writing any of this, i can't help it. i want to. and this is much better than me wailing off to my friends live and torturing them by hearing me moan over some guy which i claim to be over with by now.

it's not easy to know that someone who you once cared for really much for has found someone else, has moved on and that you are now just a history. the worst part is imagining the things he use to do to you, or with you, he now does it to the new partner.

this is supposed to be more fair than ever, but it's soooo hard to accept. i'm now here cracking up all by myself and soon i'll probably ruin my laptop's trackpad cause i've been sobbing over it for quiet some time now. 

i couldn't help feeling like a jerk cause this is sooooo unfair to my current boyfriend. sure our relationship is on edge lately and the switch just keeps going on and off continuously. the switch to my feelings and our relationship. i just HATE the fact that i never have found the off button for the previous guy i'm wailing about. it's like, it has a rotating switch instead of an on-and off thing. so all i can do is turn in slightly so that it's almost off, but it's fucking jammed so i can't turn it all the way to the friggin' off.

ok, enough with the switch metaphors. see, i'm writing again. i miss writing. only he can make me write like this. only he can friggin' motivate me to write. my current one somehow doesn't have the power to do so.

god i feel soooo guilty. i wanted to forget all that's in the past, all of it. every stupid second of it. come on it's been YEARSSSSSSS. and yes i am happy with mr. right now but still still still... i had no idea it would feel like this.

it's true he was the one who left me. a thing which he said he regretted, and when i found someone new and didn't say a word to him, it must've felt this shitty. so yeah all's fair.

ok, i think i'm going to stop here. i'm rambling and i'm spilling my personal life too much which isn't a very wise choice.  but have a happy life you too. god bless you, like literally, since you praise the same god and all. and yeah, what a way to put more cheerleaders in my life. making me feel like i'm living some crap teenage drama and all.

god i miss this comfort zone of mine

will update soon! my life feels all wrong without writing. i had no idea where my passion went these past few months :(

new job!

ok, so i have neglected my blog for so long. i am soooo sorry. yeah well then again who am i sorry to, nobody's reading it anymore. haha.

the only reason i'm posting again is because i got a new job and it's just superb. i loveeee the job, so far. let's just see how long i will stand it till i come home wailing like i did in my previous job haha.

well i never really loved my previous job. the one where i worked in a branding consultant office as an assistant business development. but this time, it's much nicer.

so what exactly is my job? the one i claim to love so much.

before i tell you that, i have to tell you this story.

so me and my friend from chinese studies, dewi, wanted to watch the fesbud parade. we figured the best spot to do so is in the fisip bus stop. as we were waiting for the parade to pass, dewi spotted a job opening poster on the notice wall. it's an opening to be a private teacher for international school students. i was pretty interested cause it's not just normal students, but international school students. and not just any national + schools, but i get to teach real foreigners.

to make a long story short, i got the job. and my first--and so far my only student yet-- is a 10 year old indian girl named nikita. she goes to JIS, btw.

she's indian, but unlike what i expected, she has really fair skin. and nikita, her mum and her sister are all really gorgeous. their house is really close to mine and it's friggin HUGE. HUGEEEEE i tell you! i have never seen a house soooo grand in my life. i watched teen cribs on mtv earlier today and i daresay the houses in MTV are NOTHING compared to nikita's house. NOTHING.

so nikita's really fun to be with and she's really talkative. she's just so fun and full of energy and she seems to spread all the happiness to me. she said that she was surprised to have a teacher like me. indonesian, but speaks in an australian accent.

i realized i used to have an australian accent cause that's where i learned english. but i thought it has gone of years ago since i know cram my head with american movies and tv programs. but after what nikita said. i realized that i still do have the australian accent. it's nice and i'd really like to keep it for as long as possible.

like most kids, nikita's has MAJOR trouble concentrating. so the only way i can get her to work is if i promised her something after she has finished all her work. like last time, i said i promised i'll show her how to change the LED colour in her blackberry. and give her some themes. she also says i'm the only teacher who knows how to work a bb. the others are completely clueless.

nikita's mum has been asking for extra hours and extra days, i'd really like to say yes cause i really am having soooo much fun.

well, that's it i guess. from what i wrote, am i doing things right? does anyone want to share some tips on teaching? comment please. thank you!

zhengzai ting che the ting tings

hey peeps, this post is going to be about me and me alone. so no more religion talk for a while and all that usual stuff i go around rambling about.

soooo, i decided to join the taekwondo team in my faculty. i kind of miss it, i mean, it's been like 5 years since my last practice. i tried everything at campus and i failed miserably at each and every one of it. EDS, liga tari, futsal. i thought, seriously, dari segini banyak wadah buat menampung minta dan bakat di ui, gw ga ada yg masuk gt? ya well the only wadah i want to join is like this community where everyone can speak up about their beliefs--out of those 5 major religion in indonesia-- and bring religious fairness to the campus. i mean, the campus should also have a church and a temple, not just a mosque. and when we're separated to join those religious mentorings, there should be one for those who has a belief out of those 5. ANYWAAAAAAYYY, i thought i said no religion talks. haha. well, i guess that's pretty much stuck with me.

so i decided i wanted to join taekwondo. not the UI one, but just the FIB one. what made me quit those 3 earlier activities i joined was because everyone else was already sooooo good at it cause they've been doing it since high school and i just started. that made me feel paling bego and pretty jiper. taekwondo here, is a different story. i've alraedy got up to kuning strip and the others are still white, so yeah, gw agak lebih bisa sedikit dr yg laen. i got a head start, all's fair is fair.

in my second practice my tutor--in this case it's called sabeum--told me that i should compete in olimpiade ui aka asteroid. eeerr, i thought he was kidding but he said i really had the potential and so and so. hmmmm i have to admit i'm more scared than happy. ok, so i may know the basics to kicking, but my fighting techniques are hmmmm, i don't know. i mean i really don't know. i haven't fought in like 5 years. and when they fight they kick with all their might so i'm kind of scared i might fall to pieces and stuff.

well, my point in writing this is, join something you're good at. seriously. this really really brings out your self-esteem. my grades are flunking like effing crazy this semester. and everyone else in my class is waaaaay smarter and me, well maybe not smarter but friggin rajin. heran gw, kapan gw bisa kaya gitu. so i decided to join something where i have an ability a bit above others. that really does makes you feel good, seriously. doesn't make you feel bele2 amat in life for not being able to do one thing.

thk u for tuning peeps!

:p

so the i was sitting on my so-called throne with all my so-called jewels and fancy clothes

when all of a sudden you came

you took me by the hand and guided me of my throne ever so carefully,

afraid that i might trip anytime cause of my pointy glass slipper

i didn't know where we were going and i wanted to say no

i wanted to let go more than anything and get back up to my comfort zone

this is all to weird, i can't take another second

but at the same time, i couldn't find the heart to let go of your hand

i've never felt such, such... touch

so i cling on tighter

this is getting better

i looked back

i can hardly see my throne anymore

i can't believe we've walked this far

and these, these pearls and diamonds are seriously disturbing

they feel so heavy around my neck

i can't believe i've never realized how annoying they were

neither could i stand the clickity clack of my glass slipper

i can't move my fingers freely cause of all this rings,

let alone the clinging bracelets which are starting to make my wrist ache

wait just a moment please, i pleaded

and for the first time i let go of his hand

and of all those glittery items from my body

what should i do with these? said i, by now confused and realizing all those stuff weighs a ton

keep them, he answered. you'll never know, you might need them again

bingung ngelanjutinnya gmn. hahahaa