1,5 year to go!

i'm already in my third year of college without me realizing it. it feels like it was only yesterday i was awestruck by everything in my campus and by the many kinds of people i meet and i was so so eager to learn when i first got in. i was so happy it was like a dream come true and i know so very much that one day, i will get sick of it all. all.

well, that day is here.

i have been striving for survival for the past 4 semesters. at school i was never really that smart, and i'd really really like to change that. in college, i'm not smart either, i'm feel like i'm always the lowest in class and all but i think my grades are more important than anything. i never really aimed that high, i just want to pass on all of my classes. i just want to finish college in 4 years or less. since i'm not that smart to begin with, i had to really work my ass to get there, thank god i managed the last 2 years ok. sure there were bruises here and there, but thank god i managed to pass all classes and i think my GPA is pretty ok, it's NOTHING compared to the others in my class, but i know my own strength and so far i think i've done what i can.

but after 2 years of trying, it just gets sooooo tiring. after 2 years of wanting to pass everything cleanly, without cheating, everything becomes so messed up. i hate this semester more than anything. i don't have a favorite subjects, i feel like my teachers are trying to kill me though i know they are helping, but i'm the one being help is so tired of trying. i have no mood to study anymore because i hate the fact that the curriculum is so effing stiff and i haven't been able to learn the language on my own by watching tv or listening to songs or whatever. and i hate that i have to study history every fucking semester from semester 1-5. history is the subject i have always hated ever since i first came contact with it. and i hate that my favorite subject ever, culture studies. is only studied in 1 fucking semester like seriously fuck.

i still tutor my precious pupils, 3 times a week, sometimes more. i don't think they are taking my study time at all, coming to see them is a real treat. being in contact with them reminds me of how happy it was to be young. they are so happy and full of energy and i LOVE, more than anything, sharing with them what i know. tutoring them makes me feel like i actually have a purpose in life. like i'm actually useful for something. it's just fascinating how you tell them something that you always thought was just simple knowledge but they're so awed by it.

lately, i've been asked to teach 8th grade science, and i was like, what? i suck at science? but the mother of my pupil kinda forced me to do it, so i did it. and i was soooooo surprised at how much i still remember from what my 6th grade teacher taught me. i mean, i didn't need to look at books that much, i just told my pupil everything i know and it really does make me feel alive. i can't believe how much teachers were such an inspiration and how much they've done for us.

ok i'm rambling, the point is, i love tutoring because not only my pupils learn, i do too. i love reading articles they brought home from school, i like listening to their stories of how they're school life is like.

jadi intinya gw mau ngmngin tutoring apa cape kuliah sih? haha i don't know either i just went where my fingers took me. i just hope more than anything that i still pass this semester.

favorite songs

i promise you all i am trying my best not to have all the songs be SuJu even though they're songs are on top on my play count

1. Wasted Years-Maroon 5

not a maroon 5 song that's often heard of but i love it and it will forever be my favorite song. it's available on maroon 5 friday the 13th album. i lost mine somewhere in the house and i can't wait till the day i found it again and get all excited and watch it. oh and the song's recorded live. no studio recording--at least not that i know of.

2. A Love that will last-Renee olstead

my second favorite song and i will forever love it and it amazes me how renee olstead can sing sooooo amazingly at the age of 14. i will also always remember the time i met her and actually cried and was totally speechless. her java jazz performance was also overly awesome.

favorite movies

continuing with the challenge, here's a few of my favorite movies of all time. not really in order, cause i can't decide which one i like more than the others.

1. Troy

I looooovveeee this movie and i've seen it a gazillion times and i could go watch it many more times and probably still love the movie. The storyline's completely messed up actually but it's the best visualization of ancient greece you could get. well, actually not really, but to me it's perfect. it makes me wants to go back to those old days and actually be one of them. i bought the extended version dvd and i loved it. it's uncensored and has more scenes and it's got so many features that are greek mythology related.

2. Inglourious Basterds

I also love this movie so so so so so much i think it's perfect in every single way. i remember being in the movies and being completely in awe from the start to the end of the movie. it even features 2 main characters from troy--brad pitt and diane kruger-- who also plays the main characters in this movie.

3. Bring it on

Every girls favorite, need i say more? i still memorize the i'm sexy i'm cute song and i watched the dvd religiously when i was in primary school and wanted to be a cheerleader when i was in junior high but i didn't pass the auditions. since then, cheerleaders have ended up entering my life in an unfortunate way. oh and, gw ga mengakui adanya bring it on 2, 3, 4, 5 and etc.

4. Freedom Writers

Loves it. Mrs G really inspired me to be a better tutor and made me realize i am actually responsible for other people's futures. she inspires me to be a teacher one day and i really love everything about her. it's amazing how she could approach her students. i would've quit asap if i was here. she also made me realize that if you really want to fight for something, sacrifices has to be made.

5. The Princess Diaries

Mia Thermopolis. awe inspiring in EVERY single way. i actully prefer the book, but the movie's a nice visualization. in the book, it's amazing how mia, who was a real nobody who couldn't do anything, ended up as a girl who could speak her own words and bring democracy to a country. She even published a book later in life.

6. Attack on the Pin-up Boys

Kibum as a lead actor? how could i not LOVE the movie? ok so the storyline's a bit bizarre but the boys played their parts nicely. i esp love kibum and donghae and heechul. but mostly kibum. he looks like a life version of shinichi in this movie and i've only watched the movie 3 times but i could go watching it over and over.

super summer

been watching super junior's super summer. not as good as exploration of the human body or full house but it's ok i guess. only 3 members are in it. my favorite 3: kibum, donghae, siwon. what i like about the show is it's got hidden cameras all over and the boys are put into situations that really reveal their true self. i've only watched 4 episodes and i learned a lot about kibum and ilfil sama siwon haha.

so the guys have to try and win one girl's heart. there's this one scene with a hidden camera where the girl pretends to fight with his boyfriend over the phone then she cries to kibum and asks whether she should break up with him or not. kibum said something in the lines of, 'if you're in rage and you kill a person, you will surely regret it. don't make decisions when your in an emotional state. take time to think it over.'

that really touched me.

i mean, that is so me, making rash decisions and asking to break up almost every time i fight with iman, and i get moved by the smallest things aka labil. i also get pissed off and irritated real easily and do things while i'm enraged only to end up regretting it later.

and it takes kibum to tell me i shouldn't do those kinds of things again. hhaha

still figuring out life

turns out my plan to get a job and move out as soon as i graduate has to be postponed. my parents really want me to continue my studies. i thought about it and i guess getting a postgraduate degree is probably the best decision. but, again with the money. i so do not want to keep living of their money until i'm 24. no way in hell. so i have to do the one and only thing i can, get a scholarship. but the problem is, can I? i don't know how hard it is to get one. but let alone the scholarship, i don't even know what major i'm going to choose gaarrrghh. but then again back to the money. i really need to get a scholarship no matter what. i really really desperately do. i have to. but again i state, i'm not that smart. i mean i've been trying to study like heck this holiday but i don't think it's working much. maybe i'm not trying too hard, maybe i'm still not on the right track. but i really really want to naikin IP this semester i really do. even if gw ga bisa naikin, at least i could mertahanin so please dear IP jangan turun no matter what happen dear god.

10 random facts

i know i've posted random facts about me but i'll post another one cause well, you can never have enough random facts

1. scary as it may sound, i can't effing wait to get married and have kids. might as well be after graduation.

2. as much as i'd love to get a job and be successful at it, i believe that my true calling is to be a mother. and i can't wait for my turn to be one

3. i have had a job for 6 months now and i haven't managed to save a single penny of my payment. i always end up spending it all in a matter of weeks. bad habit bad. definitely changing it this month

4. i am one of the the most jealous-an person i know. i get jealous sooooooo easily of other girls and thank god my boyfriend isn't one to care much about this. he actually makes fun of it sometimes purposely making me jealous, getting me all fumed up and laughing about it.

5. when i sleep, it has to be pitch black. i can't even stand the slightest bit of light, that stupid annoying red blinking light in my bb and the stupid green dot in my air conditioner. so no matter how dark it is, i still use an eye patch

6. i am a worshipper of trey parker and matt stone. i believe that everything they claim to be true is true and i guess south park has made a huge part in making me who i am now. a really huge part.

7. i kinda like cooking and think that i'm not so bad at it, i'm just inexperienced

8. my room's a complete mess esp. my bookshelf but i like to go to bookstores and align the books if they're displayed crookedly.

9. i'm not that very good at keeping promises. in fact, i suck at it. it's the one thing i kind of always fail to do, along with a few other stuff

10. when people praise me for my english, i don't think i deserve it, cause I never earned this ability. it's something i pick up when i was in aussie. anyone who was dumped in australia for two years with no one to speak indo to would result in the same ability.

no other

gw tambah pgn bisa bhs korea. it sound a thousandfold more beautiful if you can actually understand the song. turns out the meaning of the lyrics are beautiful.

There’s no one like you, even if I look around endlessly

Where could I find someone as great as you?

Someone as kind as you?

a gift like you

i'd have to work to death to be this fortunate

i'll protect you as if i we're protecting the world

Where could i find a guy as happy as i am?

The happiest guy in the world

Your once strong heart becomes sensitive

Whenever i'm hurt

Holding me in your arms gently

i only wish for simple things like that

my heart wants to do everything

to make you happy, yet you don't know this

I want to shout it from the bottom of my heart

My soul is completely unrestrained

i'll always be thankful, you're the reason i can do anything

i have nothing, absolutely nothing

Please know that my heart is burning hotter than the sun

Even when other girls come onto the stage

bright and shiny during TV shows,

you'll still never fail to dazzle me

i'm going crazy, crazy baby

your loving words

are all i need in this world

i wonder how someone like you could exist

i stupidly believe that you are everything to me