i'm not really close with my parents. i guess, i use to, before the divorce. after that, it's like there's this distance that i can't stop from happening. i've tried a lot of times. trust me. but there's just this invisible 'barrier' that is just there. it's like, deep down somewhere, without me even realizing it, i kind of have lost my trust for them ages ago. sure i still talk to them and go out often and joke at a lot of stuff. introduce my boyfriend and my friends and stuff like that. but it's just, i've never ever plan to give them anything for mother or father's day. let alone mother's day and father's day, i hardly ever congratulate them on their birthday. same goes for lebaran.
the thing is, i don't ever give them anything, a birthday present, a parent's day present. but that's not what matters, i'm worrying more about my the fact that i never even THINK about giving them anything. it's true i guess, i do take my parents for granted.
i guess i do constantly thank god that they're all still alive and well. and the main and sometimes, the only reason i want to be successful is for their sake cause i know that's what they want from me more than something from louis vuitton or mont blanc that i can't even afford for their birthday. but seeing how great they all are, i always think, 'geez, can i ever EVER make them genuinely proud of me?'
since i don't believe in hell, i think, what's my karma for all this?
zzzzzzzzzz
excuse the fact that i use 'all' instead of 'both'
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