ok, so i just had my 20th birthday. it was really nice and i really can't not smile everytime i see the picture of me and donghae kyuhyun that ajeng gave me hahahah. but turning 20 got me thinking. well, actually, it wasn't turning 20 that got me thinking.
to make a long story short, aka to save myself from rambling; i'm scared of growing up. really i am. really really bad. i even googled up fear of growing up and thank god it's good to know i'm not alone.
maybe it's not what i'll have to face that's scaring me, but more of what i'll have to leave. i've had such an amazing youth and i can't bare to think that that's going to stop in in a few years. it tortures me to see newly graduated high school students. i can't believe that that was 2 years ago for me. i remember being really really happy. i mean, i've just finished high school, looking forward to uni, and just got the guy of my dreams haha. it really couldn't get any better. even if a million dollars fell out of the sky in my front yard, i still wouldn't be happier than i was then. and here i am, two years into uni, no longer excited. the only thing in my mind is get good grades and graduate in 2012, no more.
second, i honestly really really like competing in english competitions. i've competed in primary school, junior high, high school and also uni. i want more! seriously, i do! i love winning haha and i love the thrill of doing it and i really really can't wait for binus' next english competition cause i've never joined a scrabble competition before and i think i'm more that ready for that. then i realized, your time's almost up. once you graduated college, you'll be much to old for those kinds of competition. i can't join anything anymore. furthermore, anything such as organizations and pageants will have a maximum age and time's running out. i have never ever thought of joining pageants before, but with this fear of growing up and the ticking time bomb towards actual responsibility, i'm starting to think i'm going to do everything that has an age limit, just for the fun of it.
then comes marriage. oh goodness marriage. my friends are getting married one by one right before me and to be honest it's scaring me shitless. it's making realize even more that i already am entering the age where it is time for something such as marriage. i use to be so young and those people that are getting marriage are way older than me and now here i am as old as them. oh god oh god oh god.
this is so effin' killing me bit by bit.
but here's what i told myself; nobody's forcing you to do everything fast and flawless. take your time. don't grow up of you're not ready. just don't. take all the time you want, you will be ready eventually. a lot of things can change in 2 years. do all the teenagery stuff you want to do if that makes you feel better. and nobody's telling you to not make mistakes. make them. or else you won't learn. don't make fatal ones that'll affect your future or something like that. make silly little ones that you can laugh off one day.
all in all. don't act your age, act like the age of your soul. haha