bali again

oh and i had my trip with bali with ayu utami. gosh she is such an awesome person. seriously. i haven't read any of her books but i have heard about them. i've also read the first few pages of her book. i wish i could write the cools things she did while we were there but i really can't cause that's a matter of privacy.

anyway, the reason i brought her up is because. lately i've been thinking i don't think i have the guts to publish a book of my own. ever.

you see, when you write, you kind of release the inner you in which everyone will read. i've always been the person to keep things for myself so when i write, it's like giving away myself for everyone to see and to me that is such a big deal.

people WILL judge. they surely will. and i am just not up to it.

but then when you think about yes. yes, people will judge, that is for sure. but so what? seriously so what? of course readers can have their right to judge and comment on the works they read. and no matter how many people judge you negatively, you will always have people who thinks the other way. and you will always have people to support you. so i guess you'll never stand alone.

if you've read ayu utami's books. or djenar maesa ayu's isn't it hard not to judge them? i mean, i hear a lot of people throw comments on their books whether the comments are good or bad.

but then it came to me, how are you supposed to write well when you care to much what people will think of you? you will end up caged and not be able to express yourself freely. look at elizabeth gilbert. she wrote about her life down to the dirtiest and most embarrassing details. she turned out to be a bestseller.

so yeah, my point is. i really got to release myself.

come to think of it, when it comes to people judging me, oh i think my older blog once made people end up saying stuff about me(proven, not assuming). the result? well i really couldn't care less about that.

 well, yeah i really have got to learn to release myself. hhahaa.

and i still got a looong way to go