1,5 year to go!

i'm already in my third year of college without me realizing it. it feels like it was only yesterday i was awestruck by everything in my campus and by the many kinds of people i meet and i was so so eager to learn when i first got in. i was so happy it was like a dream come true and i know so very much that one day, i will get sick of it all. all.

well, that day is here.

i have been striving for survival for the past 4 semesters. at school i was never really that smart, and i'd really really like to change that. in college, i'm not smart either, i'm feel like i'm always the lowest in class and all but i think my grades are more important than anything. i never really aimed that high, i just want to pass on all of my classes. i just want to finish college in 4 years or less. since i'm not that smart to begin with, i had to really work my ass to get there, thank god i managed the last 2 years ok. sure there were bruises here and there, but thank god i managed to pass all classes and i think my GPA is pretty ok, it's NOTHING compared to the others in my class, but i know my own strength and so far i think i've done what i can.

but after 2 years of trying, it just gets sooooo tiring. after 2 years of wanting to pass everything cleanly, without cheating, everything becomes so messed up. i hate this semester more than anything. i don't have a favorite subjects, i feel like my teachers are trying to kill me though i know they are helping, but i'm the one being help is so tired of trying. i have no mood to study anymore because i hate the fact that the curriculum is so effing stiff and i haven't been able to learn the language on my own by watching tv or listening to songs or whatever. and i hate that i have to study history every fucking semester from semester 1-5. history is the subject i have always hated ever since i first came contact with it. and i hate that my favorite subject ever, culture studies. is only studied in 1 fucking semester like seriously fuck.

i still tutor my precious pupils, 3 times a week, sometimes more. i don't think they are taking my study time at all, coming to see them is a real treat. being in contact with them reminds me of how happy it was to be young. they are so happy and full of energy and i LOVE, more than anything, sharing with them what i know. tutoring them makes me feel like i actually have a purpose in life. like i'm actually useful for something. it's just fascinating how you tell them something that you always thought was just simple knowledge but they're so awed by it.

lately, i've been asked to teach 8th grade science, and i was like, what? i suck at science? but the mother of my pupil kinda forced me to do it, so i did it. and i was soooooo surprised at how much i still remember from what my 6th grade teacher taught me. i mean, i didn't need to look at books that much, i just told my pupil everything i know and it really does make me feel alive. i can't believe how much teachers were such an inspiration and how much they've done for us.

ok i'm rambling, the point is, i love tutoring because not only my pupils learn, i do too. i love reading articles they brought home from school, i like listening to their stories of how they're school life is like.

jadi intinya gw mau ngmngin tutoring apa cape kuliah sih? haha i don't know either i just went where my fingers took me. i just hope more than anything that i still pass this semester.