and iraaaaaaan

gw ga tau knp tp gw bnr2 ngakak smp guling2 liat ini. apalagi pas and iraaaaaaan. hahahahaah

award

there's only one award i'm going to give out and it goes to bernardine stefani's blog. she once wrote, you have to be honest with yourself cause you can never be truly honest with another person. those words stick to me more than ever. it's amazing. i never heard it anywhere else apart from her blog and she created that quote by herself. ya kan rong?

you rock dude

bali again

oh and i had my trip with bali with ayu utami. gosh she is such an awesome person. seriously. i haven't read any of her books but i have heard about them. i've also read the first few pages of her book. i wish i could write the cools things she did while we were there but i really can't cause that's a matter of privacy.

anyway, the reason i brought her up is because. lately i've been thinking i don't think i have the guts to publish a book of my own. ever.

you see, when you write, you kind of release the inner you in which everyone will read. i've always been the person to keep things for myself so when i write, it's like giving away myself for everyone to see and to me that is such a big deal.

people WILL judge. they surely will. and i am just not up to it.

but then when you think about yes. yes, people will judge, that is for sure. but so what? seriously so what? of course readers can have their right to judge and comment on the works they read. and no matter how many people judge you negatively, you will always have people who thinks the other way. and you will always have people to support you. so i guess you'll never stand alone.

if you've read ayu utami's books. or djenar maesa ayu's isn't it hard not to judge them? i mean, i hear a lot of people throw comments on their books whether the comments are good or bad.

but then it came to me, how are you supposed to write well when you care to much what people will think of you? you will end up caged and not be able to express yourself freely. look at elizabeth gilbert. she wrote about her life down to the dirtiest and most embarrassing details. she turned out to be a bestseller.

so yeah, my point is. i really got to release myself.

come to think of it, when it comes to people judging me, oh i think my older blog once made people end up saying stuff about me(proven, not assuming). the result? well i really couldn't care less about that.

 well, yeah i really have got to learn to release myself. hhahaa.

and i still got a looong way to go

BALIIIIIIIIIII!!!!

hey peeps i just got back from baliiiiiii!!!! seriously, bali will always be the most beautiful place on earth for me. a trip to bali just never fails me. i love the ambience too much.

this time i was lucky enough to spend my time there with my boyfrieeennddd!!!!

oh yeah, i envy myself. heheheheheheehehehehheeh

on my last day in bali, which is today, me and iman met up at kuta in the morning and we sat around for a few while and decided to swim. seriously, nothing is more fun than swimming in one of my favorite beach in the whole world with my boyfriend and kiss as the waves hit you. asin2 gmn gt

hahahahahahahahaaha, ok too much information

we then went to warung made and go for a tiny stroll along legian until iman had to drop me back to my hotel cause my plane's leaving in like 2 hours.

seriously it was soooooo hard to drag my ass of the car's seat when we arrived at my hotel. i just didn't want to leave! at all! but yeah, dagong menunggu.

overall, i had sooooooooo much fuuuun. and i have no one but our parents to thank. thank you parents for allowing me to go to bali and finding the tickets on such short notice. and thank you for letting me meet up with iman even though it was already really late out(we didn't end up meeting that night though) and thank you for the breakfast vouchers for me and iman only (though we didn't end up using it either). and thank you iman's parents for lending the car and letting your boy run loose with his girlfriend in bali! hahahaha. you guys are the best! all of you!

ooowh one more thing! gw sm iman nyesel bgtttt ga foto di pantai sm sekali. abis keburu kebelet pgn nyebur hahahaha

hello peeps!

gosh i haven't written in aaaaaaaggggeeeesssssss. honestly i miss the thrill of writing but i couldn't bring it back you see. i guess i'm saving all the good stuff for my book. hahaaa

sab bgt gw sok2 mau nulis buku. honestly, it's in mind kok. but probably not anytime soon. i'm thinking about writing later on in life when i'm in my twenties. and if i write stuff here, people might find it and steal it and claims it their idea.

HAHA pd bgt gw. kaya ada aja yg mau nyolong.

ok let's move on. remember when i use to write stuff about religion? yeeah, i miss those good old days. i wish i could still do it but i don't even remember how to start.

i'll try anyway though. haha

so i've been wanting to buy this book the power of now by eckhart toole. it's featured in oprah and there's like this class you attend. i read my boss' copy of the book earlier today and i don't really get it. i mean can people learn to be happy and like constantly happy? well, maybe that's not what the book is about, but i'm in no mood to find out more about it. let alone practice all the theories inside.

you know how people are riveting around about religions. and how i'm sorrounded by friends and family who mostly believe the same religion but there are a hell lot of other beliefs. well honestly i'm kind of tired of how people try to prove what they believe is most right. they show proofs of miracles and all sorts of stuff. so far, i see that miracles occur in every belief i know! from cadavers which doesn't rot to the miraculous mekkah, i believe they are all proof that god exists.

from my point of view. i would never think that god actully holds one religion and only one way to worship him i mean come on. i don't think god's that naive. god is actually the holder, the creator and the one who maintains this whole world. we are all here for a reason, of course. if only one religion is right, then what rules apply to the rest? why do god still care for them the same? some people have callings. true callings of being a muslim, a catholic, a buddhist even an atheist. i think that is also god's doing in order to create life and diversity around us. in order to make us think about our life's purposes and who and what to worship.

ya gt deh in a nutshellnya. hope you like it. i miss sharing my views with you all

tootles!

again, dagong

ini meja tpt gw kerjahalf the post-its under the screen is written by me. there's even one that says jiayou!

and i painted my fingers with an uber tacky pink color. but god knows why, it kind of cheers me up in a way.

dagong aja terus

there are HEAAAPPPSSS of things i want to write here. like how i almost owe my company puluhan juta rupiah and other shit that's been happening to me lately. tp gw lg ga mood cerita itu.

what's been bugging my mind lately is the time limit i have and how i have to divided between friends, family, boyfriend and myself.

i work everyday from monday to friday for approximately 12 hours. jam 8 smp hampir jam 8 lg. last friday, gw baru pulang jam stgh 1 pagi malah. yaa lo tau sendiri lah. yg ada sampe rumah cape kerja dan maunya maen2 bntr. gw seharian blom online, blom maen the sims gt2. trus on weekends, gw pasti ketemuan sm tmn2 gw soalnya any other day gw ga pernah bisa ketemuan. trus minggu, gw sm keluarga karena mereka lebih apa kabar bgt dibanding temen2 gw. 

well, gw si selalu gt ngebagi waktunya. pertanyaannya adalah, trus buat pacar gw kapaaan?????

iya si i knowwww, gw selalu telfon2an klo mlm tp karena blom puas maen2 sendiri jd gw pasti sambil online klo ga maen the sims trus klo sabtu gw pasti jalannya sm tmn2. i know i suck at being a girlfriend. aarrghhh tp my ego just keeps telling me, i still want to playyyyy. i want to me time tanpa harus terikat sm org, meee time!!!

and last night we kind of had the biggest row ever and we were this close to breaking up and all of a sudden i realize how much i still want this relationship and how much i don't want things to end.

i guess, i have been taking iman for granted. i always thought he'd always be there and that i can contact him anytime i want. intinya, i took him for granted. majorly.

i feel so guilty i mean it kind of hit me. if i don't want to sacrifice anything, then don't commit. yg mau commit kan gw, yg masi mau lanjut kan gw, yaudh gw jgn egois dan mengharapkan semua lancar2 aja dong tanpa gw hrs ngorbanin waktu gw sedikit buat iman.

iya emg iman harus bisa ngertiin gw secara gw bnran udh ga punya idup lg, tp ya gw jg harus ngertiin dia lah. apa rasanya bgt deh udh hari biasa dimaklumin gara2 emg kerja, weekend masi ngilang sibuk sendiri. trus klo telfon2an alesannya aaah aku belom maen the sims, belom online belom apalah apalah

aaaah maaf yaaaaaa imaaann. i never ever meant to do all those things bnran2. ga sadar aja. and yes most of all i took you for granted. sigh

huaaaaa jd curhat. but i just had to release that somewhere.

my childhood friends

The Famous Five

a.k.a lima sekawan

for those of you who know that i have a passion for novels, this is where it all began. i remember it like it was yesterday, haha. i saw the book article on bobo. and they were reviewing the famous five. the second book. the indonesian version has a pink border. i forgot the title though. yeah i bought that second book, read it, loved it, and continue buying the rest of the series. before i knew it, i was in love with the five. julian, dick, anne, george and timmy. i remember spreading the disease to nindi later on. haha. that second book, the first novel that i ever bought, i gave it to nindi. soon after she named her dog timmy and started falling in love with the 5 as well. haha. when i moved to australia, i bought the english version. i also still remember, it has pictures, but no colours. i found the one with colours later on and started collecting them. so the famous five was the first novel i ever lay my hands on followed by little house on the prairie(never really liked it though). the famous five is also the first english novel that i've ever read followed by harry potter and roald dahl.

in aussie, there was a time when i rented the famous five video. hahha. i loved it, but it was too british. haha

matilda

god i love this book. seriously. i remember watching the movie a few number of times and had my teacher in aussie read it to the class. Mrs. telford was the name of my teacher. sue telford. i fell in love with roald dahl and started chugging down all his books. i remember reading charlie and the chocolate factory for the first time in the year 2000 when i was on my way to sydney to watch the paralympic games. when i returned to indonesia, i watched willy wonka and the chocolate factory at dhea's house(forgot the precise year). then when i was on my european tour, i bought one roald dahl book in each country.

owh almost forgot! i always loved matilda's quote. the one that goes something along the lines of, "i never look up words that i don't understand. i just let them float around me."

last but definitely not least, in fact, it's the one i miss most

pippi langstrump

a.k.a pippi longstocking

i remember when i was really really little, like 8 or something, my grandma showed me this doll she bought in europe. i remembered it was named pippi, and it had weird clothes, a really happy face and 2 bright red pigtails. i didn't pay that much attention to it.

years later, when i was in a bookfare, my mum showed me a book which i bought and actually loved in. until one day i realized this was the doll my grandma showed me. turns out she bought it in russia. though pippi is not russian. i loved it. i loved the books soooooo much. in fact, once they were going to air it in tv7 once. i remeber the ad was pippi singing "standing on top of mount kilimanjaro, watching the sun rise the wind in my hair. i want to be where ever i want to be, there's magic everywhere"

haaaa gila udh lewat 7 tahun gw masi inget lagunya. haha

so i hope you like my reminiscing. remembering those good old childhood days is one of the best things in life sometimes.

balancing my life at the tip of my fingers

my title, yeah that's what i'm doing. as you all know i am currently dagong ing. in my previous post, i wrote how much of a burden my dagong is, but as time flies by, i'm learning to enjoy it more and more. seriously.

even though i'm starting to enjoy it and not take it as a burden, it still takes up most of my time. so as you know, i work nearly 12 hours a day everyday, from morning till night. once i arrived home, i'm too tired to do anything. mostly just end up feeling guilty towards my boyfriend. i'm just confused whether i should have my own me time or spend it with him, cause usually i only have one or two hours before i fall asleep. i don't have anymore time to study for snmptn, that's why i always bring those latian soals to work and study if there is nothing for me to do. lumayan masuk si. my summer novel(digital fortress) is majorly neglected. meeting up meet friends and families is harder than ever and all sorts of stuff.

then all of a sudden, like a week ago, my senior texted me about me having to find an artist for sinofest. an artist with a little bit of a chinese touch. i don't know what that's supposed to mean. four seasons gt????

when i was recruited into joining acara, i really didn't want to at first. but then they asked me personally cause they needed me to make letters to the chinese embassy. i said my chinese is really bad and that i don't think we should write a letter to the chinese embassy in english seeing we ARE from chinese studies. but they said it doesn't matter. sooooo i have no choice but to join. i have no problem whatsoever on the letters, but the artist thingy, seriously, i never signed up for that. i know it's part of my responsibility and i'm not supposed to neglect it in any way, but it's just soooo hard to even are about it. it's like one more detail is squished into my already crammed head. seriously.

i know it must be pretty frustrating for my seniors to see that they haven't got a reply from me but i kept replying those birthday messages. also they've warned me through facebook chat (easy on the caps lock and exclamation marks there, geez) but it's soooo hard for me to even move my ass to care.

ok, so the message said that they have to get a reply within a week after that message was sent. well, they sent it last saturday so i'll reply it tomorrow.

sigh

sorry of the note's too boring and unnecessary, i just really needed to spill this somewhere.

secret of the week

i gotta love this secret

go read this week's secret, kok gw dpt bgt ya feelnya minggu ini.

being random

-i don't feel like talking about dagong. not AT ALL! it's weekend and i want to cherish it more than ever

-it's my 19th birthday tomorrow!!

-watch drag me to hell. seriously. god knows why, but i like it!

-i saw what your friend just wrote on your wall. hmmm. i don't even know how i'm supposed to react to what i've been hearing about you lately.

-yesterday was me and iman's 2 months anniversary!

-addicted to the sims3. like major

- thinking about going to bed now. bye!

tweeting too hard

check it out, the website where self-important tweets gets the attention they deserve

tweeting too hard

here are some of my favorites. sumpah tengil abisss. hahaha

228 this morning. Rock-hard abs. Looking good. I'd fuck myself if I were flexible enough.

Pruning a few of my Followers. Some of these Twits would Follow their own shadow if they could.

I'm At the Hottest, Newest..Exclusive club in Ny rite now. I could tell u the name and where..But u couldn't get in Anyway..So why Bother!

I seem to get two kinds of Twitter followers: People who want me, and people who want to be me.

dagong

so i now have an internship or as we know it, magang. in chinese it's called dagong and that's what i feel like calling it. it's pronounced takung, but you can read it whatever you want.

this dagong thing, it's at this completely high tech office where everybody uses blackberry and the latest mac. it also pays well, all my friends seem to blurt out my favorite animal every time i mention the salary i get. hehee. but to get that amount of salary, it sure isn't an easy work.

so this company is a brand consulting company. you know, so famous brands and companies go there to consult their packaging, appearance and that sort of stuff. me, i'm put in the business department. yeah, unfortunately you heard,==or in this case read, that right. for those who know me, you may also no that i have NO experience in the business department. let alone experience, i have no KNOWLEDGE. na-da. effing ZERO. and don't even get me started on how i get there in the first place. zzzzz

so the first day i was all.......................??????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i didn't have a clue to what i was doing and what i was supposed to do. i ate lunch on the table with others but they weren't very friendly which makes me miss having lunch with my friends more than anything. then the hard work starts when i took part in the meeting and was told to make the minute. i was all like, shit! what the fucking fuck is a minute? isn't that like, 60 seconds??? well it turns out a minute is a contact report. so it is a report of everything discussed in the meeting and all the decisions made. yeah great, a person like me is responsible for that kind of thing. tingkat kebelean and keskipan gw kan TINGGI BGT. later on in life, you'll probably know that those guys participating in the meeting do not keep track of what they say and discuss. there are just so many things and they can't remember all. so they have to have someone to keep track of everything a.k.a me. dan gw ga boleh salah nulis or ga sempet nulis or things like that. 

and it is just so EXHAUSTING. gw kerja tu 11 jam an gt. kurang lebih. dr jam 8 pagi smp kurang lebih jam 7. udah cape, ga ngerti apa2. really that isn't the best feeling in the world. sumpah udh mau mati bgt klo gw disuruh tp ga ngerti. biarpun udh nanya masi ga ngerti jg. all i can do is nangis2 ke iman smp rumah. but seriously i HAVE GOT TO STOP DOING THAT! kesian imannya beneran deh. lama2 pasti cape jg lah dgrin gw nangis. trus i seriously have to get a grip cause mau smp kapan kaya gini kan gw gw jg yg cape. well, i'm getting more and more pw by the day siii. but still, ga ketolongan bgt capenya.

gw td smp rumah jam 8 lewat, skrg gw masi harus bikin minute dan besok pagi gw harus cpt2 ke kantor cuma buat ngambil voucher taxi sm ngejemput org trus lgsg cabut lg ke tpt rapat which is an hour ride and after that rapat, another minute has to be made. hooray me.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

(*^&*%&*$#$#$^&%^ god i feel like swearing soooooo much

......

cape cape cape cape cape cape cape cape cape cape cape cape cape cape cape cape cape capekkkkkkkkkkk