i miss it already

i kind of don't know where to start but today has been a really long day. and i lost my blackberry.

=(

well i guess it was my fault i didn't ask someone to hold it for me while i was at the field, and it was also my fault i didn't put it deep in my bag so it was pretty easy for someone to just get it from my bag. but like what usually happens the effect that incident causes is usually greater than the incident itself.

so i told my dad how i lost it and, not surprisingly though, he kind of went ballistic. he said that i was such a show off for bringing it to school anyway and that all i care about is showing off in front of my friends and not even bothering about where the money comes from and ya di ya di ya di ya. he also mentions about how some people would risk dying just to get an amount of money that is so not worth their lives.

seriously, that is the BIGGEST insult i can EVER get. EVER. i would rather be called ANYTHING other than a snob who goes around showing my stuff. lebay i know tp i would rather die than having to face what i just faced. tp beneran deh. it was that bad.

lately, if you've been reading my blog, you'll probably noticed how i am trying like shit to live off luxury. it's like, i'm starting to realise than money doesn't cause anything but trouble. it surely does not cause happiness. for a period of time, yes. but long-term, NO. but again, that is what i think.

i realize i couldn't take things for granted forever. it's hard to get money, i realize that to some people, it's a big deal. i don't remember since when i've been doing this, but i've stopped asking for money from my parents. they do give me my regular pocket money, but i never ask for extras or anything like that. the last thing they bought me was the blackberry. it's been really long since i asked them for money. i remember the last time i did was a few months ago. i wanted to buy a pair of converse shoes cause the last time i bought a pair of shoes for school was when i was still in the 9th grade. and those shoes isn't really that descent anymore. the reason i'm doing this is because i know my parents are the kind of people who will buy me anything i ask for.

.............

yeah, comment whatever you like, but that's not my point.

my point is, if i keep asking them for stuff and just easily get it just like that, i will take those stuff for granted and i will not value them since i got them effortlessly. then if everything was that easy to get, i can get all greedy and be enslaved by money. i do not want that, EVER. by being enslaved i mean, i no longer control money, they control me, and if once i couldn't get something that i want, i will get all frustrated and push my way into getting it. by money again, of course.

by living like this, the way i'm doing now, it just feels good. i mean, i get to know my limitation of things and i get to make the best of things that i can have without money and to me, the feeling is a thousand fold better than buying some expensive clothing item from your favorite store. that kind of life is over for me. welllll, not exactly over, since there are still some parts of it that's harder than ever to let go. but i'm trying. =)