postsecret

for those who don't know, postsecret is a blog where people's secret are displayed. you send your secret by mail though, not by email. you write them on postcards and you decorate them. the founder, frank warren, started by giving random people sheets of paper telling them to write their secret and send them to a certain adress. he believes that art is a way to decrease your depression. frank puts up 20 new secrets every sunday, but you can't see the older posts.

surprisingly, you really connect to people just by reading their deepest secrets. it also amazes you how great people's thoughts can be. by reading postsecret, i learn not to judge people because sometimes, they can't help think their thoughts. and there is nothing wrong with that. i suggest you all read postsecret, you'll be amazed how people's mind works. these are 2 of my favorite secrets from this week.

see, you really can't blame her for wanting to adopt more than having a child of her own. and you really can't blame the father for thinking his teenager is autistic, but at the same time, you can see how much that hurts the teenager.

i've never send a secret to postsecret, i'd LOVE to though.

oh. hmm. shit

to make a long story short, my bag is, thank god, back.

now, there is one other thing that's kind of bothering me and i really really need to spill.

it happened last night. i HAVE to tell someone or else i'll go crazy. but i'm not ready to be judged. shit, i am SO not ready to be judge by others. cause i myself is is holding back myself from judging myself. i have only told one person about this and i don't think i'm ready to tell another. so, what i'm trying to do here is try to make you all understand the deal without really knowing the deal.
so it's this thing between me and iman. it has nothing to do with a third person(anymore). it's about the two of us. well, he was really nice about it but i can't help but to feel how he really feels. cause really, it shows.

aaaaaaarrrggghhhh. he's too nice for me and here i am making bloopers for the umpteenth time padahal kita kaya baru 2 minggu gt going out.

@%@#$!^@$%#^%!!!!!

right now, my sister is pissing me off more than anything in the whole wide world. so my kate moss longchamp bag has been for months. it's really weird cause you can't lose a bag without losing it's contents. ga mungkin kan gw pergi trus tas gw ilang tp isinya gw bawa pulang k rumah. klo gw pergi pake tas, ya gw pasti balik pake tas jg. jadi ya emg PASTI ada yg ngambil dari kamar gw. no doubt about that. selama ini gw bingung bgt bnran. gw smp nanya nykp gw bnr kan tas gw ga di laundry? bener kan tas gw ga dijual di ebay? smp gw nanya ade gw bnr kan ga dipinjemin k tmn2 lo?

soalnya pernah tas item gw dipinjemin k tmnnya dan baliknya lamaaaa bgt. gw bahkan ga tau tu tas dipinjemin k tmnnya dia. trus ade gw blg dia ga minjemin. dia blg ga mungkin dia minjemin longchamp k tmnnya.

okay fine, gw percaya.

gw smp sempet accuse seseorang dan sumpah gw GA ENAK BGT soalnya in the end my sister said tasnya ternyata ada di temennya.

NYETTTTTTTTTT SERIOUSLYYYYYYYYYYYY???????????? FOR ALL THOSE MONTHS GW KELABAKAN NYARI!!!!!!!!

yg bikin gw kesel bukan cuma masalah tu tas ga balik tapi byk yg bikin lebih kesel lg dr sekedar ga balik:

pertama, ade gw tu ga bisa boong k gw. bnran deh. ga bisa. ketauan pokoknya. and i trust her when she said dia ga minjemin k temennya. this proves that dia bahkan GA INGET dong pernah minjemin k temennya. sumpah ya itu ever so fucking major reckelessss!!!!!!

second, dia bahkan ga blg k gw!!!!!!!! shit, tau gt gw kan ga usah curiga2 sm org yg ga salah dan bingung sendiri tu tas kmn!!!

third, ade gw baru ngmng pas dia dgr gw ngmng k nykp gw klo gw ngerasa tas gw diambil satu oknum tertentu.

and last, havaianas high gw jg dipinjemin k temennya dan gw ga tauuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!! ok untungnya ini udh balik, tp ya itu dia, gw ga tauuuu

OOOH! one more, ADE GW BAHKAN GA YAKIN TASNYA ADA DI TMNNYA DIA YG MANA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i can't talk to my sister cause no matter how FUCKING hard i try to keep myself calm and not burst into million bits of anger, she will yell at me anyway. cause she yells when she's scared or feel threatened. the problem is never going to be solved that way. soooooooooo i write it in my blog cause I KNOW she reads my blog. 

i AM NOT going to post another post until i get the bag back so this post stays up high. my sister said her friend was going to bring it today but her friend said that she left it in her car. yeah, talk about decent excuses.

still...

like you may have noticed, i head has been floating in space lately and no ones pulling me back down to earth. not even my boyfriend. i don't know what the hell is wrong with me. i have ZERO mood to attend class and i space out in class anyway. i have 2 presentations coming up and i don't even bother to drag my ass to work on it.

things have been great, really. no problem occurring, no nothing. maybe the nothingness that's killing me. intinya, i currently have no mood to kuliah and/or ngerjain tugas. question is, mau smp kapan? ha????

last semester, when i didn't have english class yet, i can't wait till i start attending english class. i'd be more than glad to do presentation after presentation and essay after essay. but now, here i am caring the least for my presentation. i can't help it, i just HATE the topic of the presentation. indonesian movies. seriously? that's just too random. too random and to subjective. well, it is at the same time a challenge and i love challenges. but it's just the wrong challenge at the wrong time. but then if it was the right challenge at the right time then it wouldn't be a challenge isn't it?

but amidst of all this boredom, there are a lot of things i am thankful about. and i think i should be writing it down so that i'll be less whiny. these are only a few out of many great things that happened to me lately. i really wish i was more thankful about it.

first, there's no class today. awh-some. then we went out to the canteen and played speed.

second, what iman and me did today. haha

third, nana's greek mythology presentation!!!!!

the third is the major MAJOR highlight of my day. so my friends from the dutch major are taking greek mythology classes and as usual, i was jealous as fuck and i said i'd be really happy if i could help them with anything. so nana gave me a few question which she needs for her presentation on perseus tomorrow.

-who was perseus grandmother?

aganipe

-what are the 2 other gorgons names apart from medusa?

stheno and euryale

-does perseus and andromeda have any children?

yes, perses, alkaios, elektryon, sthenelos

-ibunya andromeda namanya siapa?

kassiepeia

haha yaudh si that's what i learned today. all thank to my big book of greek mythology. hhehe

AAAAAHHH MAUUUU!!!!! you have no idea how happy this makes me and you have no idea how much i want a puppy right now!!!

just a quick update

it's not even 9.30 yet but i'm already ever so ngantuk. padahal udah berencana buat belajar trus ntn grey's. zzzzzzz. oh and, nilai2 gw jelek sampah. jelek jelek jelek jelek jelek. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.......... gw tau siii klo kuliah wajar klo ada mata kuliah yg ga lulus. aaaah bodo amat gw ga mau. i don't want to go through the same idea of hell twice.

recently...

i have been spending sooo much time with iman. F-U-N! seriously. i enjoy every second of it. problem is, i feel that our parents are interfering too much with our relationship. well, not our parents, MY parents. my mum kept asking if whether or not he will take business administration. seriously, that's his personal choice. my dad is also dead curious who his father is, seeing they've done business together in the past. then his mum starts to question my race. i'm not saying anybody's racist, i think this is COMPLETELY NORMAL. i mean i am 18 an i'll have to prepare for, well, the future.

but this all feels weird, i mean, if you've read my previous posts, you'll know i have this thing with commitment. i just don't see any point of committing. but all of a sudden my parents are barging me with the basic principles of commitment and i'm like, what??????

iman, out of all people, knows this commitment issue of mine. he knows how pessimistic i am about everything that i have to stick to, including our relationship. he knows how much i don't want to commit to one person for the rest of my life. but what i like about him, he doesn't really care and he's trying to prove to me that i do deserve what i don't think i deserve.

like what i wrote in one of my previous post, the only reason i want to get married is for the sake of having kids. surely there are other ways, but it's pretty much intolerable here. i also still respect my family's values. 

i always have a thing towards marriage, they're just not for people like me. seriously, i'm not one who have enough skill, or luck, to go through all those obstacles. beneran deh. and when it goes down in shambles, it will go down no matter what i do. so why bother start?

but what made me throw a smile is iman lent me a book he borrowed from his friend esp for me. the title of the book is divortiare. the author is ika natassa. anyone read it yet? it has a great and not cheesy cover. but what i like most is the synopsis at the back. the first sentences are

commitment is a funny thing, you know? it's almost like getting a tatto. you think and you think and you think and you think before you get one. and once you get one, it sticks to you hard and deep.

fair enough. can't wait to read it. tootles!

come to think of it

could it be because i haven't been writing in a looooong time?

before i go to bed,

as usual, i wanna write some usual stuff.

i went to grand indonesia with adel and aby today. i haven't seen aby in ageeeees and no matter what you say by, i will always be jealous of the fact you get to go to china. beijing lu, guangzhou sama taman lansia. haha.

today i learned something i am so grateful off. i learn how to balance my life between friend and boyfriend. better still if i include campus life in the scale but that's still to come.

i finally got a chance to meet iman's whole family on thursday. his mum was uber nice. things is, he still hasn't got a chance to tell me what his family thinks of me. haha. i was away the whole day, got back home really late and he was asleep already. too bad, i was looking forward for the phone call. he waited for me, but i guess he fell asleep and i don't want to call him and wake him up.

as usual, life is sooooo boring apart from the fact that i have a new boyfriend. i always thought what's missing from my days are my close friends. but i've been spending the last days with them. it was GREAT, really it was. but i don't know, i still feel dull as ever and i don't know what i'm missing. aaaaaah bingung. bingung bingung. i wish i can put my finger on it. all i look forward now is back to campus and pacaran. could it be that i am not being productive? i know how much i hate not being productive. aaargggghhhh.

well, i guess i'll go back to sleep now. i hope i found whatever is missing.

cheers!

hooray to my blog yg makin lama makin sampah. zzzzz

monas

this post is inspired by one of kaskus' hot threads.

i didn't just know, but i guess gw baru ngeh klo monas takes the shape of a lingga yoni. seriously where have i been all my life. i'm assuming you all know lingga-yoni right? that hindu sign of fertility. lingga symbolizing the male reproductive thingy and yoni represents the female's.

i'm still kind of wowed by the fact that my city's landmark is a womb and a phallus. wew. and when i actually passed monas today, the gold fire at the top couldn't help but made me think, ' talk about a hot rod' hehee.

don't get me wrong. i think it's beautiful that our city's landmark shows the sign of fertility and something every citizen owns. hehe.

it's been ageessssss since i last went there. pgn deh ksana lg.

just another post

aaah paraaaaaaaaahh gw lg di titik dimana gw malesssssssssssssssssssssssssssss bgtttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt kuliah. parah parah PARAH. paraaaaaaahhhh. sumpah ya ga tau knp tp ya lg titik jenuh aja gt. gw jg udah mulai mikir, ini gmn ini kedepannya? survive apa gw di cina? tp klo misalnya pindah, di pindahan gw itu, survive jg ga gw? gw ga mau bgt jadi org yg gagal kuliah. yang akhirnya DO dan ga kuliah. ga mau BGT. ok ok, gw agak kejauhan si mikirnya. sebenernya gw tinggal mikir aja ini yg jangka pendek kaya BELAJAR dengan baik dan benar buat kuis sm uts. ah tp mlsssssssss. pol pol pol pol abis pelajaran makin lama makin sinting trus bawaanya klo di kelas tu zoooooooooooooonnngggggg

gw seneng bgttt td bisa ketemu tmn2 sma gw!!!! parah2! kayanya emg that's what i've been needing all this time deh. gw kan sempet tu nulis post bilang gw bnr2 lg eneg sm jakarta dan nyesel ga pindah k aussie blablabla. well, turns out, i just miss my friends! they seem sooooo far away ga tau kmn. aaah td gw bisa naek bus 143 sm laras k ps trus ketemu nurul bella ajeng nindi (aaah gloria udah pulang) tu kayanya bnr2 pencerahan parah. haha

seneng punya pacar baru! hahahahaha. aaaaah iman iman iman!!!! enak bgt pacaran sekampus dan emg gwnya enak bgt sm iman. klo gw lg bele2 di kelas tau2 ada yg sms 'mbak abis kelas ke perpus dong. ya ya?' hahahaha anjrit itu bikin bgn bgt. dan bukan perpus si yg dimaksud, multimedia. hahahahaha. aaah parah nagih bgt ke multimedia. bisa lama bgt disana smp perpus tutup smp keluar2 udh tinggal kita doang di perpus hahahahaha. trs td laras ketemu sm iman trus laras blg, 'bgs d id lo sm iman, awet2 ya.' trus laras jg blg k atid klo dia ketemu iman trus dia suka soalnya iman orgnya diem trus kayanya baik gt. iya kan ras lo ngmng gt? ga salah dgr kan gw tid? haha. nindi jg blg dia seneng ngeliat gw sm iman. well. gw yg ngejalanin jg enak BGT. somehow, i'm sure my family will like him. hehe.

udah lama bgt gw ga baca novel. terakhir the kite runner sm atheis nya achdiat k. mihardja. the kite runner mayan si. tp atheis bagus bgt. gw mulai ga tahan ga ada bacaan so td gw bli the memory keeper's daughter. abis gw pgn buku yg pasti2. bukan buku yang bagusnya kentang apa buku yg bagusnya relatif or whatever. ada masanya jg buat itu, tp ga skrg.

yaudh si gt doang. hehe. zaijian!

hihii

udah jadian dong. hheheee

this is why i don't commit

this may sound waaaaay silly but right now i'm crying cause i probably have 3 months left to spend with you. i mean, you moving to another faculty will probably end it all. you keep saying you won't but everyone knows that it's easier said than done. after all this and what happened between me and my previous one, it makes me wonder why god is sooooo sentimental meeting me up with someone just to part us again so quickly. i can't help but to thank god for meeting me up with iman. lebay as it sounds, he really is the iman i'm missing all this time. he doesn't only teach me things i never see through my throne in this life but he also made me know myself a hell lot more. he helped me realize things i never even thought i can confess to myself. and i know this is getting more and more lebay but i have never felt like this towards anyone. ever. i never met anyone who's just so accepting and there for me and we click like ever. we also have different ideologies and points of views but we kind of just complete each other and there are a lot more amazing things i can write about me and him but i don't think it's necessary and i'll end up missing the whole point of this post. but just one last thing, as much as i am surprised he is so accepting towards everything in me, the same occurs vice versa. seriously, i don't think there are a lot of girls who can stand his tempeness. heheee

anyway, i wrote on a few posts before, i don't think marriage is for people like me. i mean, everytime, EVERYTIME i try to commit to something, something just tries to take it away from me and there's nothing i can do about it. so i guess, why commit in the first place when i know it's all going to die in ashes. i'm not being a quitter, but it's all just stupid going through something in which i know doesn't have a future.

故事

2 days ago my dad just got back from london and he met obama! gosh, he is probably the luckiest person alive. there's a picture actually but i'm not sure if it's ok to just go around and publishing it in my blog or whatever. it's probably ok sih, tp i'll post it later. there's also a video of him speaking indonesian.

seriously, i can't help but think this is all just too cool.

and he said he wanted to buy me a shirt that says:

catholicism:if shit happens, you deserve it. Islam, if shit happens, take a hostage. Hinduism: shit happens before, etc.

but i'll probably get beat up if i wear it here. so he bought me this instead.

the little writing at the top says if you cannot read Chinese, please tilt your head to the right.

and here you go.

hahahahaaa

to make a long story short(again)

he confessed.

aaaah tp ga asik ah caranya. so i postponed till monday. hahaaa

saturdaaay!!!

last night i actually wanted to write a post. but i was too sleepy and went straight to bed. i even stopped watching gossip girl midway cause i was too sleepy, something i could never usually do. lol. what i wanted to write about last night was simak ui. as we know, today is the day where they announce the people who got accepted at ui through simak. iman tried out for simak and my friends told me yesterday that chances are, he wouldn't get accepted. iman himself was already pessimistic about the result. even his twin brother kept saying it's impossible. but i don't know, something made me believe he actually can get accepted. so i hope that my optimism was enough for the sake of him getting accepted.

aaaaaaannnnddd

he really did got accepted! administrasi niaga! seriously, i think i was more psyched than he was. haha. congrats anyway! have a great new life in fisip. xp

zzzzzzzz

lama

boseeen bosen boseennn

it's 12.28 dan gw blom mau tiduuurrrr.. ngantuk, tp ga mau tidur. kayanya masi pgn maen aja gt. oh and my esia's broken. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. so i'm going to have to buy a new one i guess.

as usual, my blog is getting BO RIIIING. well, i don't know what to write about! i've been studying like shit i don't even know what's happening around me. i haven't heard about religion in a long time either. hahahaa. i'm starting to miss it anyway.

well, i'm kind of thinking about giving you some extremely random stuff about me that not a lot of people know:

-honestly, i don't believe in marriage. well, marriage do happen and work, but not for people like me. i'm still going to get married. just for the sake of feeling motherhood and what it's like to be a mother

-i don't have a 20/20 eyesight. not AT ALL. my eyes are actually -6.00, i can only see a massive blur of colours without my contacts or glasses

-my parents don't actually bother that much about my choosing to be religulous. they kind of support me even. kind of.

-i have a MAJOR problem in commitment. i can hardly commit to anything

-i can't cook, AT ALL. i even fail oftentimes when i cook indomie. trust me, this isn't something i am proud about

-despite from the fact that you can't put my name and the word kitchen in one sentence, i LOVE sewing and knitting. i mean, LOVE it. but i'm not that good and it and i don't exactly have anyone to teach me to sew better. i'm also too lazy to drag my ass to buy the needles and materials and stuff

-gw org solo! haha. but i'm not 100% indonesian

-i pluck my eyebrows everyday. CRUCIAL.

-i care a little too much of what people think

yeah that's pretty much it. hahha

seriously,

i DON'T deserve 3 stalkers.

seriously.

i am asking you in the politest way possible, please get out of my life and find some other people to stalk. i know the 3 of you, or at least one of you will read this. so yes, please, i am BEGGING YOU to QUIT IT.

the limitless amount of tukang ojek and mas2 di stasiun harassing me everyday is pretty much enough thank you.

in the end

we spend the rest of the evening in the multimedia room, the canteen and the station. not the train though unfortunately. 

eh eh plurk udah ga ada ni. aaah ga asik. huhu

di ruang multimedia

there's this multimedia room in my campus's library and i've always wandered what it's like inside. and here i am right now inside it. it's tiny, it just has one big TV and 3 computers. it's also friggishly dark. honestly, it reminds me of subtitles viewing room. haha. except for the computers of course. and it's sound proof too. so right now, there are only 3 people inside this room. me, a complete stranger and a certain person i have taken a liking to. hahahhaha.
well if you've been following my blogs you'll probably know who he is. the thing is, he hasn't said a word since i entered. it just makes me more friggishly curious. i mean, this place is just so exiled, shouldn't we be able to talk freely here. like the stranger in the room would care. he's busy with his indonesian songs or whatever.
oh well, at least outside this room we're both making progress. major progress actually. lol

oh yeah, i've realized that lately my english is just getting worse and worse and it'll soon hit rock bottom if i don't act fast. i haven't watched any dvd in ages since it's still fucking uts and i hardly watch any tv as well. even if i do, it's celestial movies. worst of all, the last english novel i read was the kite runner which was over a month ago. i couldn't bring myself to read another cause i'm afraid i'd focus more on the book rather than my study since it's still uts. but yeah, the result is english down the drain. aaaaarrrggghhh.

sigh. the least i can do is pay ultra attention in english class which is hard cause the lessons are just sooo boring. well, i still have my blog anyway. the one thing keeping my english sane. hahaha.

geez after i end this post, i'll have to go outside and study cause it's too dark here. but i don't know, it's kind of a burden to leave the room. lol