Saturday, December 6, 2008
sometimes...
i feel that i can never be the person i want to be. maybe this might sound a little lebay but ever since i got into UI i've been feeling kind of intimidated by the people around me. they are so ass-friggin smart. you see, this is one of the reason i want to quit EDS(english debating society) so bad. the main reason is that because i don't feel that debating is my thing and second is because i feel deeply intimidated being around them. they're just too smart. most of the people who gets into my university, are people who are always at the top rank in their class when they were in school. and here i am getting accepted by plain hard work months before snmptn. most of my friends from EDS are from the international relations major and that major has the highest passing grade so it's no doubt only geniuses are able to get in. sumpaaaaah yaaaa the intimidation is killing me. urgh. belom lg jurusan gw. there are a lot of my friends who has learned chinese before, some even speak it in their home and here i am learning from 0. then there's my parents. ok so they're all successful and they are both known to contribute a lot in the society. kalo kata nyokap gw, jadi 'orang'. and of course they expect me to be someone who matters as well. sometimes when things gets too much, i wish i can just work as a normal person and earn money and live my simple life just like anyone would. but they keep telling me klo udah gede harus jadi 'orang'. heck yeah masalahnya gw aja masih bingung mau gw apa. people say that people who are hard working are more appreciated than people who are just smart without working that much. but in reality, things are not so much like that. no matter how much i work, i don't think i will ever have the creativity and the thinking ability of people who are just plain smart. sometimes is bothers me so much to see the world being made so unfairly. why do i need days to memories some simple chinese paragraph and for my friends it just takes a few hours. why do some people glide so effortlessly to the high points in life and i keep failing over and over not knowing where do i exactly belong.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
我的天！Yah ampun idya… gw baca post lo yang ini apaan banget sih. Nih, gw kasih pernyataan yang mungkin bisa sedikit menghibur lo…
Id, bener kata temen EDS lo, lo terlalu underestimate diri lo sendiri. Pernah gak sih sekali lo muji diri lo sendiri? Lo nyadar apa yang jadi kelebihan lo? I know, hidup itu keras, kadang kita semua emang harus bersaing walau hanya untuk hal-hal kecil di dunia ini. Tapi dengan mendoktrin otak kita sendiri kalo kita gak bisa sih itu sama aja bunuh diri! Lo tinggal pilih, mau jadi manusia yang hidup dengan banyak keterampilan, atau hidup jadi pecundang yang cuma nyampah di dunia, disuru apa kek jawabnya gak bisa mulu.
Sumpah ya, lo tuh wah banget kali id actually. Gw tipikal orang yang gak sembarangan muji orang, dan gw juga gak becanda ne. Setelah masuk sastra cina UI, mata gw dibuka (walau kenyataannya tetep gak kebuka gini － 我的眼睛很小！－). Gw ketemu sama banyak banget temen yang bikin gw bilang, “anjrit! Temen gw hebat banget nyet!” dan salah satunya itu lo. Emang kedengerannya agak gimanaaaa ya, tapi iya id, I have to admit, lo hebat tau, kadang gw kagum sama lo, bukan kadang deh, tapi emang kagum. Gw yakin banget lo bakal jadi “orang”. Kagum itu gak melulu karena keterampilan yang kita punya, tapi dari sifat, kita juga bisa ngagumin orang. Sifat lo (bukan lo punya sifat) bagus, lo low profile bgt, jarang gw ketemu temen tajir tapi mau bersusah-susah ria –itu yang buat lo terlihat wah dimata orang- inggris lo jago gila, lo juga jago berbagai bahasa, itu keren abis lho. Lo dah kayak artis di kampus, banyak cowo-cowo yang suka hahaha. Lo defender handal di futsal! Aset team futsal cewe cina! Lo pintar abis di mitologi yunani –ngalahin dosen kali-. Lo freak banget sama yang namanya baca buku (kebiasaan bagus kalo gw bilang). Lo juga pinter banget tuh tentang s***ologi, sampe buka kuliah umum dilesehan rumput Kansas! Lo gak jelek gitu id, pretty enough. Ni de niunai juga hen da, which is impian para nan ren! And as a friend, kadang lo juga memberi pengaruh positif kog! (tapi inget, KADANG! Hahaha just kidding). Pokoknya banyak yang bisa lo kagumin dari diri lo sendiri! Gw gak mau ah id lo bilang lo tuh terintimidasi atau apalah itu. You’re such a smart damn girl! Bagus. Tapi pesen gw, jangan pernah bilang gak bisa. Bener kata sophie (sophie’s world). “Lo gak bisa bukan karena emang lo gak punya kemampuan untuk itu, lo gak bisa karena lo sendiri yang bilang gak bisa.” Mungkin orang yang belum kenal lo boleh underestimate lo. Tapi pernah gak lo denger temen lo underestimate lo?
Mungkin memang lo gak bisa nilai diri lo sendiri kayak gimana, gw juga kalo disuru nilai diri gw sendiri gak bisa, untuk itu Tuhan (gw) memberikan kita teman which is untuk membantu kita nilai diri kita dan juga bantu nyuport diri kita. Dan lo dimata orang lain selain tubuh lo sendiri –temen- lo tuh hebat, kita ngeliat lo tuh bagus.
Duh maaf ya, dibalik kegeblekan gw, gw tuh sebenernya anak yang perasa banget, sentimental. Mau gw tutupin gmn pun pasti entar juga ketauan sendiri. Jadi maklum kalo gw ngomong mpe lebay gini, duibiqi!
Hahaha在见！
(Wooooeeeekkkkk! I’m feelin like a clown!)
Post a Comment